Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Good morning, good afternoon, good evening wherever you are in the world. It’s Dr. Jan Fortman with Relationship Matters TV. Hope everyone is having a beautifully blessed morning, afternoon, or evening. I know I am. I’m here in Chicago and you know what, the temperature is 38 degrees and guess what, we’re happy about that because it could be snowing, it could be like in the 20s or in the teens or below zero. So we are very happy that it’s 38 even though it’s a little cloudy. We haven’t had that much of a winter. I think we’ve had maybe a couple of days of snow and a couple of days of really, really cold weather but we haven’t really had that bad of a winter and I’m not complaining. In one sense I am because you know this is Relationship Matters and I always say that there are all kinds of relationships but I have a, what can I say, negative relationship with bugs and if we don’t have a hard freeze for at least four or five days then that means that when spring and summer comes it’s bees and it’s bugs galore. So I really, you know, to my Midwest friends, I still want a hard freeze but anyway that’s that. So guess what, we have a guest that you all are probably familiar with because he was on this show last week and you know I told you, you know, Mr. Rufus Thomas got all kinds of jobs. I mean he’s an author, he’s a motivational speaker, he’s a minister and so last week we talked about the book that he and his daughter wrote together but this week we are focusing on him. So I am going to bring him in right now. He is such a pleasure to have on the show and you know what, I’m to listen to his voice. How are you?

Rufus Stephens
I am great, how are you?

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Good, good. You know what, you did what a lot of my friends do, you said Rufus Thomas. You know all know who Rufus Thomas is, right?

Rufus Stephens
And it’s so funny that you said that because when I was putting it in on StreamYard and Facebook and I was reading it over again, I had Rufus Stevens at the top but then in the paragraphs I’m looking like what? That was it, it was just automatic. No harm, no foul. This is Rufus Stevens, author, motivational speaker, inspirational speaker and guess what else, he’s a voice-over talent. So I want to know how to do that. Anyway, Rufus, see last time we really focused on you and your daughter and more so on your daughter. So, but tonight tell us about you. You know what, I want to know what made, what did you do before you became a motivational speaker?

Rufus Stephens
Well, you know, I was always, I always heard a different drummer than my siblings. There are five of us and three of the five are in education. The other one’s more technically oriented, he worked for Bell South. But I was always in sales. I loved the people interface, I love the idea of value exchange. I give you a product, you give me money, that’s a win-win situation. And so I spent my career before I got into public speaking as a sales executive for food service companies and I was all over the country and I would speak a lot. I would be called to speak on whether it was board meetings in Chicago or whatever else. And then a little bit later on I went into the ministry in ’94 and necessarily had to speak and people used to always tell me that, “Oh, I love your voice, I love your voice.” Well, that’s nice to have that to speak but you ought to have more content. It’s always ought to be more about content than voice value. And so I was blessed to work on the content and get to the point where I had both and I decided I wanted to be a public speaker. And then so I wrote a letter to Ben Zig Ziglar, you know, the renowned motivational and just good guy Zig Ziglar and I said, “Zig, I want to speak.” And he lived in Texas at the time and he wrote me a two-page letter back. I have it framed here in my office and he said, he told me some things to do and I did them. You know, I joined, he said join Toastmasters. I joined Toastmasters and I started competing and I started winning. I won all of Chicago one year out of 127 clubs and then I just got the bug and it felt good.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
I’m sorry, say again?

Rufus Stephens
It was a couple of years but the year one had to have been, I don’t have my trophy up here but I want to say about ’94, ’95, something like that. And it was a lot of fun and then I realized I love coming into a room, taking an audience that doesn’t know me from a man in the moon and take them from Rufus who to Rufus we love you. And all of that depends on my ability to bring content, impact, and connection with the audience. And that takes, as Les Brown is my hero and Les used to say, “I didn’t just run up here, you know, I worked on this thing.” And so I answered a short question by taking you a long ride at home but that’s how I got it. That’s what I was doing before I started speaking. I was in sales.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Oh, you were in the ministry. And so did you start at church?

Rufus Stephens
I was an associate pastor of a church out in Joliet and then became assistant pastor just before we left and moved to North Carolina. And since that time I’ve been an associate. I have not, you know, single late pastor, didn’t feel like I was called a pastor, felt like I was helped to be helped for the one who was called the pastor. I’ve always felt that.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Wow, wow. So that’s, I ask you about Toastmasters because I’m also a Toastmaster and I’ve been a Toastmaster now for, I’ve been in Toastmasters now for over 20 years. So that’s why I asked you when did you win? You probably were in the contest, beat me out.

Rufus Stephens
You know, I’m not, you’re gonna maybe go back, I’ll go back and check. I know where my trophies are. I’ll go back and check and see what year that was but it was awesome.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Okay, okay. Yeah, are you, I’m sorry, are you a distinguished Toastmaster? Are you a DTM?

Rufus Stephens
No, no, I left, I look, when I left Illinois and I just kind of, I just stopped doing anything at all with Toastmasters. I was an ATM when I left and they changed those designations now but I was close. I never made it to DTM and I don’t want to put a down on it but in that time period my wife passed away and I just, it took the life out of me for a while and so I just, now I’m back in Toastmasters in Jacksonville.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Well, thank you.

Rufus Stephens
I’m back in Jacksonville and I got back into, actually back in North Carolina about, we were there five years before coming here. We’ve been here a year and a half and very active in Toastmasters here and there. Toastmasters is, for anybody that doesn’t know anything about it, it is the best deal in town if you’re looking to gain confidence and not break the bank and meet some awesome people. It’s a wonderful organization.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Yes, it is, yes. Well, you know, I am a DTM.

Rufus Stephens
Kudos to you.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
I am a distinguished Toastmaster.

Rufus Stephens
That’s awesome.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Yeah, yeah.

Rufus Stephens
You didn’t just run up there either.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Yeah, so tell me, in motivational speaking, do you…

Rufus Stephens
You froze there, Jan. I didn’t hear you. Could you hear me?

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
I could not. Can you hear me now?

Rufus Stephens
Yes.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Can you hear me now?

Rufus Stephens
Yes, yes.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
When you were, in your motivational speaking, what do you speak on?

Rufus Stephens
Well, currently my keynote is, it’s a message called “Now What?” and it just, it challenges the listener to embrace change, to appreciate their personal resilience, and to live life intentionally. And often I will, if I’m speaking for your organization and your organization has whatever it is, the objective you want met in the message, I will customize the message to speak to that issue. And then every now and then somebody would want me to craft a message just for them and I do that as well.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
So have you spoken all over the world?

Rufus Stephens
Over the country, you know, and I’d say from San Diego to Naples and to Delaware, you know, it’s pretty much where I’ve been concentrating here before. And a lot of this happened before COVID, so we’re getting all up again and done some virtual speaking as well.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
People may result in resiliency.

Rufus Stephens
Well, you know, I always say that we are always better than the situations that confront us. I don’t think we realize just how strong we are and how resilient we are. And I use, I’m doing my message, I have a PowerPoint as I’m talking and I have a slide with a picture of Tyler Perry and in the picture are two road signs. One is to Sylvan Road and the other is to Tyler Perry Studios. Well, the one that Sylvan Road is the one that will take you down to the area where he used to live in his car and the other sign tells you where he is now. And my point was that he recognized when he was on Sylvan Road that he was better than the Sylvan Road experience and because he held on to that notion, he now drives to Tyler Perry Studios. And I just tell everybody, I use the loss of my wife and the loss of my mother all within 60 days and said, and yet I stand. We’re always better than the situation that presents themselves to us. And until, guess what, situations are not done. I’m convinced there’s a truck called the stuff truck and it drives all over the world and it drops off stuff at your house and it’s only for you to deal with and you got to do it. But you’re bigger than the stuff that they’re leaving at your house.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Okay, I have a question. What is your art?

Rufus Stephens
Oh, you broke up. I didn’t hear the question. You’re frozen and the sound is broken up.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
What is, can you hear me now?

Rufus Stephens
Yes.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
What is your love that you are trying to…

Rufus Stephens
Like we do with this breaking up, I can’t hear it.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Okay, I’m gonna put it in the chat.

Rufus Stephens
Okay, that’ll work.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Okay, don’t even check. Oh, not sure what the issue is. I know StreamYard came in and said there was an error but it wasn’t our fault, my fault. But anyway, here’s the question. Hopefully, there it is. What is the audience like that I’m trying to reach? Varied. Classic example is that I, because I came out of school nutrition, I’ve spoken to school nutrition associations across the country. And yet I spoke to a, there’s a company called SP Richards out of Atlanta, the two billion dollar company that had its conferences, 25th year conference in San Diego and I was one of the speakers there. And these were all business people, people who own their own office supply places and all. So the message resonates. I don’t care what you do. You need to learn to embrace change. Change visits everybody. You need to understand that you’re better than the circumstances and you need to be more specific about how you’re going to live your life. Live your life intentionally, on purpose, if you will. And so that covers anybody. I don’t know of anybody who that doesn’t cover.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Okay, so now so many people don’t know their purpose or their passion. Well, they might, you know, and so I’m wondering when you’re doing your motivational speakers, how do you, do you communicate to people how to find their purpose? Because I think once they find their purpose, then that’s where the resiliency comes in.

Rufus Stephens
Well, you know, I think that it’s funny you ask that question because one of the portions of the speech deals with the fact of finding your why or your purpose. And I said I found my why and I give some clues and then I’m not exhausted but some clues. You know, what is that thing that inside of you every time you think about it, it quickens your heart? You thought about my wife is an awesome baker and if she’s going to start a cake baking thing down here and she’s rock star, that quickens her spirit. What is that thing inside of you that every time you think about it, it gives you a little bit of a buzz? That might be a passion clue. What is the thing that you do? And I know Dr. Jan, you know, for they do awesome stuff and they make it look so easy. I mean, it just walk into a situation, boom, it gets done. I had a friend that could walk into clutter and when she walked out of it, it was nothing but pure oil. Those are passion clues to me. You know, you’re playing around in the shower with bars of soap and it’s your microphone and you’re just messing around in the water but you have an awesome voice and you want to sing but somebody tells you the negative Nellies and negative Neds come in your life and tell you no, that’s for that kind of person. You ain’t got that kind of voice and I would say listen to you talking to you. There’s so many clues and you know, talk to people, people who are invested in you. Ask your friends, what is it about me that impacts you? I can’t tell you how many people and I don’t mind saying this because I don’t make throats but I can’t, I’ve been on PA systems and everybody else. I remember being in a restaurant, being on a PA system, somebody walked up, oh my God, who was that and blah blah blah blah. You have a great voice and I, okay, thank you but I didn’t make it so there’s no bragging rights here but it told me that hey, listen, you have something that people like to hear. We’re at a sales meeting, I get up to speak and the first thing people say, I love your voice, I can listen to you all day. Okay, Rufus and I tell everybody the light bulb went on. I spoke at my class reunion in Savannah and we had a wonderful time, 300 folks and a standing ovation when I got done and I tell people it’s like God said, I gave you a gift, I can’t put it any closer than your throat. Now it’s up for you to decide whether you’re going to use it and that’s when I opened my business and started speaking. So listen to your heart, listen to the things that quicken your spirit when you think about it and those are passion clues.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Okay, and so people were telling you how beautiful your voice was, is that why you decided to get into voiceover, voiceovers?

Rufus Stephens
Oh yeah, oh yeah, yeah. People, and come to find out that a lot of the company is not looking for that midnight jazz DJ voice, you know, they’re looking for people who sound conversational and it doesn’t hurt to have some resonance. And so yeah, that was one of the ones and so I took a voiceover class for the better part of a year and had some coaching and that kind of thing and then started looking for business. Highly competitive field, highly competitive but worth the doing, worth the doing because it’s a lot of fun and so many things people can do. They can narrate books, they can do trailers for movies, they can do all sorts of things. I would find it interesting that we’ve all heard the Arby’s commercial with Ving Rhames and rich baritone-based voice and I found out later on that he went to Juilliard and we see him as the actor, the big muscular guy in Mission Impossible and everything else but a great voiceover guy and of course everybody knows Morgan Freeman, the man. And so some of my requests actually ask me to sound a little bit like Morgan for whatever it is.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Thank you. But that’s more fun than anything else. I have a room in my house that I go and do voiceover stuff.

Rufus Stephens
Okay, all right. And if someone just said hello, okay, so but I got a question that came in here. Why do we tend to talk ourselves out of greatness?

Rufus Stephens
Oh my God, you know what, great question, great question. You know what, we live so close to our own greatness, I believe we take it for granted. You’ve been living in that skin all your life and people don’t know you for the greatness you want to have. They can’t see you someplace else and I think you can’t listen to them. One of the reasons that I think people talk themselves out is that they share their dreams with bad ideas. You got to be very careful about who you’re sharing with. Everybody’s not in your corner for a myriad of reasons. They don’t want you to succeed because they don’t want you to leave them. They don’t want you to succeed because they’ve never seen you do anything great and then they don’t want you to succeed because they don’t believe you can ever. So you can’t listen to them. They will talk you off of your plan but you got to stay with it. Get somebody who feeds good stuff into you and read good books and listen to people, motivational speakers and people who speak to you and feed on that because there are no vacuums. If you don’t do what I just suggested you do, somebody else will have your time. They will get in your head, they will rent space in your head and you will talk yourself out of that business that you said you were going to open and by the way, you would be great at it but it becomes if it would have, could have, should have if you listen to the negative Nellies.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
So you know, I want to ask this, what’s that in your book, in your voiceovers, so have I heard you?

Rufus Stephens
Probably not, probably not. I wish I could say yes because most of the stuff is stuff I’ve done, stuff for authors as promotional stuff for their stuff and for some school stuff but you know, you wouldn’t have heard me on that. I hope the next time we talk I can tell you yes, you have.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Okay, so let me go on a quick commercial, okay, and while we’re gone, I’m going to see if I can get this StreamYard together. It seems like they’ve finally kind of got it together, hopefully so, but let me go on the quick commercial and I just still want to remind people about the book. Let me find it if I can find it in here, which of course I can’t, but anyway.

Rufus Stephens
I’ve got one right here, you know what, if you want to, if we, if, yeah, see if you can’t, it’s not that one, no, not that one, remember?

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Yeah, that’s what I was looking for, here it is, no, let me do it.

Rufus Stephens
Okay, go for it.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Let me do it. [Music]

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Well, I’m back. Last time, last week, I had to put my commercials in because last week we were talking so much about a good book, Leave a Mark, and then I didn’t get a chance to put my commercials in and so, you know, sponsors and saying like, uh, that’s dead. Okay, so now let’s talk about this book. You gonna show it? You can show it, but I got it.

Rufus Stephens
No, you got it, that’s good, I like yours.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
But Life Lessons from Miss Hattie, no, no, okay, there you go, Life Lessons from Miss Hattie. Now, Miss Maddie, oh God, yeah, my eyeballs, I guess I said my glasses on, but I’m not, but anyway, so who is Miss, who is or was Miss Hattie?

Rufus Stephens
Miss Maddie, a most incredible woman, and it’s kind of like what I just mentioned to one of your questioners. Sometimes you live so close to greatness, you have those forest for the trees kind of experience and you don’t appreciate how great they are. I had an incredible mother. She was a single parent of five kids, ranging in ages from three to eight when she and my father’s separated. He was an alcoholic, which made her a workaholic, and she was the teacher in South Georgia and she started all over Georgia and they would call her Miss Maddie, and so that’s where it came from. It was rarely Miss Stevens, it was always Miss Maddie, and she taught us some, when it came to material stuff, we didn’t have a lot, but she would do as well as she can along with my grandmother who kind of kept the homestead as my mother taught out of town, and she gave us what we needed. We didn’t have as much as a lot of options who had two parents at home or had people with means, but we got what we needed. We got character stuff, we got the ability to work hard, the desire to dream, and in the end, she ends with five babies. They used to call them Maddie’s babies. She ends up with the former chair of the music department of UConn as her oldest child. The second one was the state congressman in Georgia. The third one was his consummate education on my sister, and then my brother was a technician for Ma Bell, and then me, a preaching businessman and a public speaker. So Miss Maddie did all right, and so what I did was I listed eight lessons, eight of the many lessons she’s taught us, and I think anybody that listens to those or follow those would be in good stead.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
So give us a couple of lessons.

Rufus Stephens
Okay, one of the ones, and this speaks, this week’s, this is lesson seven, season your speech. My mother would never say something casually when she could say it with flavor, and so she would, if you’d asked, neighbors would say, “Maddie, how you doing?” She would never say, “Fine, thank you very much.” That’s way too casual. My mother would say something like, “Kicking not too high, fluttering still can’t fly,” and she would always color her speech. She loved words, and I think that’s where I got it from. She loved the words, not to use big words because the problem with using big words, nobody know what you’re talking about, but use words efficiently, and so I think that’s where I got it from. That was the one she told us. The other one had to do with, well, I want to give you the name of the lesson. Yeah, the one is the, well, I’m going to give you two, actually. One is laugh regularly. My mother didn’t miss an opportunity to laugh. I can still hear on Saturday morning, we might be still in the bed, she’s on the porch talking to a neighbor across the way, and somebody is tickling her funny bone, and she didn’t laugh easily. She laughed with her whole body, and she taught us to laugh, and I remember that, and I read it in the book. I remember that I was starting to get a bit of the laugh bug in me, that gene has been actualized when I was on a trip to Sylvania, Georgia, back to mother to teach during the week, and we were on a car full of teachers. I don’t know what it is I said, but I remember they had to pull off the road. They were all laughing so hard, they had to pull off the road and get out of the car and lean on the car and laugh, collect themselves, and get back in the car and drive on, and I don’t know what I said, but I got the idea, and then I would say stuff. My Connie, who you met last week, has the same kind of thing. I say stuff not trying to be funny, and people would start laughing, and don’t deny that. Everybody doesn’t have a funny bone, and for those of you considering speaking, if you don’t have a funny bone, be careful trying to be funny. It falls flat, so she taught us to laugh, and then the other thing was told us to care for people. She always would bring a student home to just hang out with her for the weekend. She taught in the country. She would come back, bring that child for the weekend, go to church with us or something, and that child would consider our house a palace until we laughed because it was a tiny house full of people, but so we, all of us, and I look at my siblings, and all of us have a genuine heart for people. We can’t see people in need and not want to somehow meet that need, and that comes from my mother and my grandmother. They’re just people who loved people.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Wow, so those are three other lessons. So tell me, what sayings do you have that you came up with full of flavor?

Rufus Stephens
Oh, I do. One of my, I got from, and I gave to my oldest daughter when she was growing up and watching other people doing better than she was, and God just gave this to me. I didn’t hear anybody else say it and regurgitated, and it’s this, it’s not as important when you bloom as that you bloom, and I’ve said that, and I say that now in my keynotes. It’s not as important when you bloom as that you bloom, critically important. The other one was the one I just said, we are always better than the situation that comes before us, and I love, I can’t take them on right now. I love local speech, colloquial speech, country people, people who have country sayings, you know, and when I get them, I hold on to one of them. I remember they came from some folks from over in Beaufort, South Carolina. It was simply said, if you, it was to remind people the value of work. It says, if a woodpecker wants sweet meat, it’s got to have a pain in the head, and so you understand that you’ve got to, the woodpecker, so if you want to get the happiness inside, he’s got to work for it. That’s not just a colorful way of saying that, and people sometimes hold on to those better than just a straight statement of something you ought to do, so yeah.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Well, you know what, in your next book that you author, then you know what, put some of those sayings in them because sometimes, you know, we, I saw something on TikTok, and I wish I could remember all of them, but they were talking about those old colloquial sayings that our grandmothers used to say, you know, and young people, they’ve never heard them, you know what I mean?

Rufus Stephens
That’s a good idea.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Yeah, yeah, okay, just give me a little credit in the book.

Rufus Stephens
Yes, ma’am, I always give credit. You never steal stuff today. Somebody asked me, they said, how you feeling, how you doing? I said, oh, fat at Midland.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Oh, yeah, oh, yeah, you know, so like somebody young, a millennial would probably like, what is fair to middling? Well, you know, and one of the things I run after, I want to remain, I don’t want to cut the cord on my local speech that I grew up with, but I also have to remain relevant to the kids today. I was reminded of this when my kids were younger, and we were in a hurry to go somewhere, and I remember telling them, I said, you guys, come on, get in the car, you guys moving like 33 and a third, and they looked at me like, what? You know, and they have no frame of reference, and you have to explain to them that there was a big old album that moved slower than the 45 that moved much faster, and you know.

Rufus Stephens
Yep, yep, and I’ll see you next week, if the Lord says so, and thank you. It’s just some of that just coming in my head. I love rich speech like that, those people, you know, they communicated, and I’m, you know, it’s so important. I love words, I’m a wordsmith, but I also love communicating. If I use all my words, and you look at me like a dog looks at a radio, then I have not communicated well.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
See, that’s one right there, you know, how animals, wow. In your motivational speaking, do you put some of those colloquialisms in them, or?

Rufus Stephens
I do, I do, yeah, it depends on, you know, the situation, who I’m talking to, because, you know, you got to read, you got to read your audience, who you’re speaking, but yeah, because it’s so much a part of me, it’s easy speech to me, because it’s colorful, but I also understand that everybody doesn’t understand the reference point, so you may have to make another statement of explanation after that.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
True that, true. So here’s another question. Hey, what advice us if we don’t believe in ourselves to accomplish ours?

Rufus Stephens
You’re frozen, did you get it?

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Yeah, I got it, yeah, I did, and you know what, been there, been there, done that. I would, one thing I did recently, and not recently, about two years ago, I did it again three weeks ago, get some help, just ask, ask somebody. I just went on Facebook, and I said, if I have meant anything to you in your life, give me one word that describes it. I had 90 people come on with 60 different things that I did that was meaningful to them, because again, we live too close, we’re in these, what I call these meat suits, and we live too close to us, and we talk to ourselves, we hear ourselves talking to us all the time, when we wake up in the morning, you know, go to bed during the day, and often we’re saying negative stuff, and you got to get from that, so get a different perspective, have somebody, you, people who are honest, you just go on Facebook and say, what do I mean to you, and it’s not to reevaluate yourself again, and look to your strengths, look through your passion clues, the kind of stuff that you do well, don’t try to do something somebody else does, fail, and then conclude that you don’t have the goods, you didn’t have the goods for that, you know, hang with people who speak, you know, who speak truth and strength into your life, don’t sit around talking with people who have nothing good to say about anything, it doesn’t, and I’ve worked with people like, it doesn’t matter what you say, they’ll find the negative side of it, you can’t afford to be around those people, they will suck out your life, because they don’t have the strength or whatever it is to rise up and own the space that God has given them, and so they have no problem kicking the chair from underneath you as you try to stand up in your world, and you can’t afford to be around them, it’s just too costly, so back to the question, how do you get to that point, get some people in your life to care about you, ask some people what you mean, you’ll get a different perspective, you might surprise yourself what you mean to people, okay, and then watch yourself talk, what do you say to you, okay, and just, the Bible talks about taking thoughts captive, when some negative stuff starts to bubble up, just stop it, just stop it, you know.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
And that’s a good message for young people, you know, especially teenagers, because they get so much negative self, and not self-talk, but negative talk with people, you know, bullying them and tearing them down, and they get to feeling that, you know, they don’t have any self-esteem, they don’t have any self-worth, you know, and because they are comparing themselves, and that’s one thing, even as we adults, and I really like what you said, because that self-talk is extremely important, we have a tendency sometimes, and me, I can say I have, you know, to say things, if I do something wrong, oh, I’m so stupid, oh, you know, and when you say stuff like that, even at that moment, that goes in here, you know, and so you really have to really hold on to positive self-talk, and not compare yourself to other people, just because they can do that, you know, maybe that’s not your lane.

Rufus Stephens
Hey, there you go, there you go, you know, and we have that tendency to compare ourselves with others, yeah, you know, that’s one of the best quotes I think I ever heard came from Quincy Jones, Quincy said, not one ounce of my self-worth depends on your acceptance of me, I absolutely love that, you know what, love me or hate me, I’m still great, you know, I may not be the great that you want me to be, but I’m great, and my value, how I appreciate me, depends not on any of your opinions, you know, say what you want to say, I know where I am, and you have to hold on to that, now being realistic, you may have to say that more times than you realize you have to say it, because you’ve been doing a whole lot of self-talking, so you’ve cut the grooves pretty deep, yeah, you’re gonna have to stand back up again, because you beat yourself up pretty good.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
I see another question.

Rufus Stephens
Yes.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Well, that was a comment, she said, watch yourself talk, preach, I like it.

Rufus Stephens
Thank you.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
And she said it again, watch yourself talk, love it, and then she says, oh, Sandy is really in here, she says, I like your energy, God bless you.

Rufus Stephens
Sandy, checks in the mail.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
About that self-talk, because I was at a conference over the weekend, and he had us stand up and shout, I’m a winner, I’m a winner, I can do great things, I can do great things, you know, and you add, and like you said, you know, you have to keep that, even when things don’t work out like you think they should, and maybe that’s because they shouldn’t, you know what I mean?

Rufus Stephens
Yeah.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
And so, yeah, yeah, so when are you gonna speak in Chicago?

Rufus Stephens
When somebody invites me, so I’m telling you right now, I’d love to, I lived in Joliet for 30 years, and my wife is from Joliet, so we would love to have a trip back to Chicago, and I speak to anybody for any reasons, and if I’m in the area, and I’m speaking for a not-for-profit organization, and even, you know, if they wanted a, you know, just a pro bono speech, I would entertain that if I’m in the area.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
So how, so I’m going to put in here, see, I’ve got Connie and you in here, but what I want to do is put in here, how can people reach you if they want you?

Rufus Stephens
Oh, Sandy, Sandy, I know Sandy is a Toastmaster, and so is Jacqueline, she used to.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Uh-huh.

Rufus Stephens
And this was the winner, you all, of the, was it the district?

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
It was the humorous speech contest for the whole area, and went down to St. Louis to compete for the 10-state area, and I came in second.

Rufus Stephens
Oh, you all hear that, so you didn’t, wait a minute, I had to look, if I said Thomas, so now how can they get in contact with you?

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Well, the easiest way is to go to my website, it’s Raising the Roof, and it’s R-A-I-S-I-N, like the fruit, raisintheroof.com, and don’t get confused, that is a play on my name, .com, Raising the Roof.com, and…

Rufus Stephens
Okay, so have to come up with a, with raisin instead of raised steam.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Well, you know what, because I was speaking colloquially, I dropped the G.

Rufus Stephens
Oh, okay.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
You know how we drop the G on a lot of stuff, I’m, I’m visited, and the rest of the things we said.

Rufus Stephens
You’re right, there you go.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
It was just colloquial.

Rufus Stephens
There it is.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
That’s right.

Rufus Stephens
It has contact information, it has samples of videos of me speaking, it has my clients who have been on there, some of their logos, and so it gives you some backdrop of who I am, and I speak nationally, and will speak internationally if the opportunity arises.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
So when you come and speak to Chicago, I have a request.

Rufus Stephens
Yes, ma’am.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
I want a cake.

Rufus Stephens
Well, you got the cake, it’s a lemon pound cake, and you will become our best friend, and we will be a little bit, but the next time, I will remember that, I’ll give you a call. You live in north, south of Chicago, where?

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
I live in the south suburbs in Calumet City.

Rufus Stephens
Oh, I know Cal City real well, I know, so, yeah, no, no, no, I will, I’ll make you that promise, then we’ll get one to you.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
I’m gonna hold you to it.

Rufus Stephens
Oh, yeah.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Rufus, it was just wonderful having you as a guest again. Okay, so Sandy says, because she said, and I’m reaching out to you, my brother.

Rufus Stephens
Oh, God bless you, Sandy, appreciate you.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Okay, all right, all right, it only takes one.

Rufus Stephens
That’s right, that’s right.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Thank you so much, Rufus.

Rufus Stephens
Thank you, thank you.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
On this show, it’s been a, wait a minute, a plum-pleasing pleasure.

Rufus Stephens
Come on with it.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Unless, that’s less stuff.

Rufus Stephens
Yeah, love me some less.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Well, thank you so much.

Rufus Stephens
Thank you.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Good night, y’all, and you have a beautiful, blessed rest of your evening.

Rufus Stephens
You do as well, thank you.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Alrighty, bye-bye. Oh, it’s been, it was a plum-pleasing pleasure to have Rufus Stevens on our show again this evening. And so now, you want to get in contact with him, you want him to come and speak to you, to your organization, to your school, to corporations, to churches, wherever, get in contact with Rufus Stevens at raisingtheroof.com. So thank you all for coming in this evening, and I know, I just wanted to say, I hope you got something out of it, because I know that you really got some valuable information and some things to think about in your life. He was, to me, he was very motivational, very inspirational, and if you would like to be on the show, Jacqueline Rogers, if you would like to be on the show, Sandy Ennis, with the doll collection that I know about, please contact me at janfornow125@gmail.com, and that’s J-A-N, the number four, N-O-W, where did I say, Comcast? No, at gmail.com. I’m a little discombobulated this evening, for some reason, only because of StreamYard, but in any way, I hope to see all of you again next week on Relationship Matters TV, because as you know, there are all kinds of relationships, and there are all kinds of relationship matters. So I’ll see you again next week. Have a beautiful, blessed rest of your evening. [Music]