Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Good evening wherever you are in the world. Relationship Matters TV. Okay, girly.
Guest
I can’t hear you.
Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Can’t hear it again? Can’t hear you? Audio. We have heard nothing. Nothing. Is it your headphones? How’s it going? Oh my God.
Guest
A little bit. Can you hear me now?
Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Yes, yes, everybody. Yes, yes. Okay, technology is wonderful when it works.
Guest
Absolutely.
Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
And when it doesn’t work, it doesn’t work well. I gave you all some glowing introductions and hopefully that you’ll be… Wait a minute, it’s all in the comments. Can’t hear you, can’t hear. Hopefully, it will come across on YouTube. So let me see, I have some comments in here, and no audio, no audio, no audio, no audio. Okay, so since there was no audio, what I’m going to do is introduce you again so people can hear how fantabulous you are. Okay, so let me go back and I’m gonna do it really, really, really quickly this time. Oh wow, okay. So first I introduced Reverend Jeanette Jordan. This is the founder pastor of Journey To The Cross Ministry, a multi-denominational church providing visual worship experiences for caregivers and their loved ones who cannot get to the church building. She is the wife of 60 years to Dr. Robert A. Jordan, a retired pediatrician diagnosed with dementia and Alzheimer’s in 2016. She serves as an Alzheimer’s Community educational facilitator, new ideas Champion for Chicago altar program partner with programs whose mission is to inspire and equip faith-based organizations anchored in African-American communities to better support families affected by dementia. She’s affectionately known as Pastor J and she is also the co-host of the podcast Women and Men of Faith caregiver support groups. She is the mother of five, one son and four daughters, and the grandmother of seven, four grandsons and three granddaughters, and mother and aunt of her 19-year-old nephew who she raised. Her life’s theme is “Here I Am Lord, send me” and her go-to scripture Jeremiah chapter 21 verse 11… 29, 29, 29. I can’t read 29 and it’s right in front of me. Okay, the next one is Dr. Cara Rogers. She is a counselor, a fiction and non-fiction writer, an international speaker, an International magazine columnist. She has so many literary achievements that I just have read all of them. When she’s not writing or speaking, she’s busy crafting or and she creates formulas for lotions, facial products, hair products, and she’s also an actress. Yes, Dr. Carol has one son, one daughter, and a grandson. Two daughters. Okay, I gave your two daughters to someone else. Okay, and a grandson. Brenda Tucker Jeffries is an international speaker and an award-winning author. She is also an actress. I have seen her in a couple of plays. I’m waiting for her to get her Oscar. Yeah, and she’s a 50-plus model, past vice president of the Chicago Memphis chapter of Blessing Government and past president vice president of the combined chapter of the Speakers Publishers and Authors Association, and she became Miss Senior Madison Illinois America in 2022. And Brenda has one son and one daughter. I hope I got this straight, Brenda. And last but not least is my namesake, Janice Williams. Beautiful name, Janice. She is a licensed clinical social worker for the state of Ohio. She has provided Mental Health Services to children and adults as seniors for over 47 years. She must have started when she was 10. Janice is one of the founders of Harambe Services to Black Families, and this is Cleveland Ohio’s first black adoption agency. She’s also a consultant to a substance abuse agency, and she is the mother of one adult daughter, and she has one son and a granddaughter. This is some, um, um, who I am very, very happy to bring to you now. Now that we got that over, this is what I want to know. Is it, it’s because all of you have sons, is it different raising sons and raising daughters?
Guest
Absolutely, absolutely, absolutely.
Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Yeah, what’s the difference?
Guest
Yes, I heard someone say yesterday where I was, but someone pointed out that it was so much in here raising their son from their daughter, and all the women were nodding their heads. And I think it’s because when you have a daughter, you feel a personal responsibility. But for a daughter, you have an overwhelmed responsibility that you are modeling womanhood for this human being, and you got to get it right.
Guest
Okay, I have four daughters. I have one son and one son nephews. Now my son is the oldest of my clan, and yes, it was easy breezy raising him. Now, I don’t know if he has the personality that the majority of young men have. I don’t know the statistics, but I do know that it was easy raising him. He was independent, he was loving, he was obedient. He just really never gave me any problems. We got in a little stuff just like guys, you know, wheels, especially when he got to college, especially when he was, what do you call that, going to be in his fraternity when he was pledging. They do a lot of crazy stuff. That’s why I filed most of my challenges with him. But after that, it was easy breezy. With my girls, it wasn’t so easy breezy. I have two older daughters. Dr. Jordan and I were married very early. We had three sets, three children, our first set, and then 13 years down the line, I had another child, a girl. Well, the two older girls, yeah, it was a challenge. It was a challenge, but I had to learn how to communicate with them based on who they were. That was the thing. I think once we learned that they are individuals with their own personalities, their own characteristics, their own likes, their own dislikes, no matter whether or not my parenting was consistent, I had to learn that I sometimes had to change my consistency based on their character. And so it took me 13 years to learn that because when my third daughter was born, I took a class on parenting because I knew I had not been the best parent that I could have been. And I realized that there was going to be maybe almost a generational change. Things were different, children were different. She was more talkative, more academic, more needing answers, not the way I used to train my kids, do as I say, do not as I do. That had to change. And so I had to go and take a class so I could learn how to communicate effectively. And so, but through that, even like with my daughters, I learned that they are individuals. They have their own distinct personalities. And so I, being one, had to learn those three distinct personalities.
Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Okay, now let me come in here and burst this bubble. I have two daughters and one son. The girls are the oldest and my son is the youngest. I had no problem whatsoever with my daughters from the time they were born until today. I have never had a problem. They’ve always been respectful. If they didn’t agree with what I said, they always said, you know, spoke up in a very respectful way. It was always yes ma’am, no ma’am. And especially my oldest daughter, she never got in any trouble, never. Now the second oldest one, she was a little more active, but she was never disrespectful. Now let’s get to my son. My son was the one who was in the most trouble, but he was the youngest, he was the only boy, and he was sickly. So that combination was not a good combination because number one, he was spoiled because he was always sick, and then he was the only boy. But I mean, he did give me a little bit of trouble. When I say trouble, I mean like disrespect, you know, and I had to let him know who Mama really was and where Mama really came from. And when he learned that, he got himself together. I think it was because it was that male, that testosterone trying to, you know, he was coming into being a teenager and he didn’t have his footing yet, but I helped him get it real quick. And so today he’s 32, in fact, he’ll be 33 this month, and he’s very respectful. So I take no credit for that. I give all the credit to God because when those girls came along, I didn’t have any problems. I was like, wow, wow. And then, you know, him, he was respectful, but then he would like try you, you know, do you really mean this? Let me see if she means what she says. So of course you have to remind them, yes, I mean what I say, and I mean it the first time I said it. And once he learned that, things were fine.
Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Okay, all right. So, excuse me, Brenda, what about you? What about your experience?
Brenda Tucker Jeffries
Actually, I don’t have a boy. I only have a daughter, and I have twin grandchildren, a boy and a girl, and my youngest grandchild is seven, and she’s a girl. So I can, when I had my daughter and I woke up and I asked the doctor, what did I have? And I thought he told me I had a boy. And the first thing I said was, oh my goodness. And he said, what’s wrong? I said, a boy? He said, no, you have a girl. I said, thank you, Jesus, because I had seen so many boys growing up having difficulties with their parents. And I knew that if I had a boy, we was going to be fighting because I wasn’t going through that. So, no, I don’t have a boy. I have a boy grandchild, and he’s fine. He’s away at college, and so is the granddaughter that’s away at college.
Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Okay, so while I have you on, before I go to the other ladies, I, you know, I’m a mother-daughter relationship coach, and there are so many, I did some, a survey and research, and then I found that almost 80% of the 50 women that I researched anonymously had issues with either their adult daughter or, and the mom had, well, the moms had had issues with their adult daughters, and their adult daughters had issues with their mom. And I was really surprised at that because I know my relationship with my mom came since as she got older, older, and I used to think, oh, this is just me, you know. And so what did you have once your daughter got to be an adult or if she was getting to be an adult, what challenges were there, or did you have any?
Brenda Tucker Jeffries
The challenges that I had with my daughter was when she was a teenager, probably like 15, 16, when she started falling in love with a bee lover, not love. And, you know, as a parent, you would give them, you know, recommendations and guidance and, you know, try to lead them down the right path. And there was a point when she had started like getting a job and driving a car and getting her independence that I realized she wasn’t really listening to me. So I came to the conclusion she’s got to learn something the hard way. I cannot protect her always, so I gotta let her fall a couple times. And I did, it hurt, but I did. And then later on in life, I know we were having a conversation about something. I wasn’t really paying attention because I was at the kitchen sink probably washing dishes or something. And she quickly got my attention when she said, mom, you know what, I gotta tell you this, I wish I hadn’t listened to you because you were right. And I felt like I had won the Mega Million dollars because it took her that long to realize that I was just doing my job as a parent. I wasn’t trying to get into her business and tell her what to do, but I just told her what I thought. And she finally realized it and appreciated me for doing that. So I haven’t really had any problems with her as an adult, and I am thankful for that.
Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
That’s wonderful. That’s really wonderful. So Janice, excuse me, you tell me, what about you with your daughter?
Janice Williams
I was very interested in what Brenda was saying because it occurred to me that, and please excuse me guys, I just got my voice back, so it’s not in its perfect condition, but at least I’m talking.
Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Sounds perfect to me.
Janice Williams
Thank you. I want to say that I think mothers and daughters go through stages. I remember, well, my daughter was my first child, and I was an older mom, 32, and that was just supposed to be so old back then. But I think the stages are when your child is young, when your daughter is young, you are everything to them. You know, they want to be up under you, they want to put on makeup, they want to follow you, they’re your mini-me because you represent them, what a woman is. Mommy, mommy is everything, and that’s why we talk about mini-me’s. But somewhere around the age of, it’s starting earlier and earlier when I’m looking at my granddaughter, but I think somewhere around the age of 11 to 13, these little girls who idolized you, wanted to be up under their mommy, wanted to be with her, touch her hair, somehow they start looking at you like, and you know, I don’t think you hit up, I don’t think you’re cool. I think I was Jake for a long time with my daughter. I’m like, why am I Jake? Who’s Jake, you know? But around that middle age, as your daughters have had a chance to see other women and be exposed to media and other interactions, they start critically analyzing who their mother is, and then they decide if you’re cool, they decide if you’re this, if you’re that, and sadly, most of us come up short. I remember hearing things like, you know, well, why do you talk like that, or why don’t you do what so-and-so’s mother does? So you go through this period where they’re critically assessing you, and by the time they hit the teenage years, they’ve decided they’re smarter than you, and they’re kind of patronizing. Oh, I love you, mommy, but you don’t really know what’s up, but it’s okay, mommy. They don’t really have time for you. You’re at a chauffeur, you take the girlfriends to the park, you pick them up from the mall, you take them shopping, you are an appendage, and your little heart is broken because where’s my little girl who used to want to go have tea with me or play dress up? Now it’s mommy, can you take me, mommy, can you give me, mom, you don’t tell me what to wear, mommy, you don’t know what’s in style. So your little feelings are hurt. I remember taking my daughter on what I thought was a mother and daughter little trip just to Columbus, and I figured we were gonna ride in the car, we were gonna go eat, that y’all didn’t say nothing to me the whole ride. And I remember driving with little tears in my eyes, and she now tells that story because the good news is once they hit, once they go through puberty and teenage years, they come back to you. They come back to you in their 20s because they realize they can’t really trust their friends as much as they can trust you. You got their back, you are the one they can always depend on, so they do come back, but you’re gonna feel a little pain.
Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Okay, all righty, and I’ve heard of different moms talk about that, you know, that, well, you know, we used to do all of this together, and we should do all of that together, and now she acts like she doesn’t even know me, you know, so it’s reacted. Pastor Jeanette, tell me, can you expound on that?
Pastor Jeanette Jordan
Well, you know, I guess my parenting style and the journey that I went through with my daughters were just so different. My husband went to medical school after we had been married 10 years with three kids, so during their growing up, you know, he was working, he was either a medical student or he was doing his residency, and I was almost like a single mom trying to make sure that, you know, all of my kids, and especially my girls, were safe and trying to teach them how to be young ladies and trying to expose them to things that I had never been exposed to because I was raised old school, I mean really old school, where I could not socialize with anybody, and I was like an only child because my sister was like 16 years older than I. So I had vowed that my kids would not be raised, especially my girls, would not be raised the way that I was. So I tried to expose them to being social, having friends and sleepovers and going to the movies and doing all of those things, and yeah, they became dependent on me, but my older daughter, she and my son were like buddies, so she really didn’t have a need for me. I mean, they were less like, as the good thing goes, white on white, they were just entertaining one another. She was very, very obedient, did what she had to do academically, and, you know, she had her friends, but then there was Krista, who was my third born, who then became alienated from those two. Krista looked different because Krista was darker in color, and her older sister used to tease her about being, you were adopted, and so she grew up, they grew up like really butting heads, and I spent a lot of time trying to create a harmonious relationship in the household within, and so I had to spend a lot of time nurturing Krista so that she knew that she was part of the family. The only way I could really prove to her was she wanted a family. All my kids had the same birthmark, so I had to show her the stamps that she was a Jordan just like everybody else, and that she too was being given the same love, but she didn’t have the relationship that her older sister had with the brother, so I had to make sure that she had dance lessons and piano lessons and things that she felt that, you know, was just for her, and we became, we really became, I think, closer than I and Allison because I had to spend more time with her, stroking her and making sure that she felt empowered in a house where she felt that she didn’t have any because her sister and brother thought they ruled it. But then 13 years later, I had Drew, and then Krista, the one that felt not empowered, felt empowered because she helped me care for the newborn, and so we had been a different kind of a relationship. She was my buddy, she was my care partner for Drew, and so we did everything together. Now by this time, Allison is like 16, so Allison is starting to date, and, you know, I had to get in there and teach her about dating etiquette. Brian was off going to college, and so Allison was kind of doing her own thing, and I was just trying to keep her centered, but Krista and I had this bond of the caretaker for the baby, and so we became buddies, and I guess that’s why I live with her today because she was the one that listened to her mom, wanted to emulate her mom, took the things that I said as truth, as truth can be. She appreciated the wisdom that I had, and Drew just became the spoiled brat.
Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Wait, so I don’t know if you all watch Housewives of Atlanta, but if you watch, if you watch, what’s the, the, the, what’s the whole name? The Real Housewives of Atlanta. So if you haven’t watched it, watch it because Drew, Drew Sedora is Dr. Jordan’s daughter. Yeah, so, so if you haven’t, if you haven’t watched it, watch it. So, so Drew is a spoiled brat.
Pastor Jeanette Jordan
I don’t know, she was a spoiled brat, and she was the one that sent me back to school to learn how to parent. Oh, she was the one that was a conversationalist. She was the one, very respectful, but very smart, and if you disciplined her in any way, you had to explain to her why, and I realized that communication is the most important thing in the human part of who we are, is to learn how to talk to one another and understand one another. So I began, I had to go back to learn, yes, if I told her that she couldn’t do something, then let her know why and why I said it and the consequences, what the consequences may be if she did not follow my rule. Not that I was going to spank her, but at least give her an understanding, this may hurt you, or this is just not good for you. And so, yes, she was the one, though, that I, she had all the dance lessons, she had ice skating, she did everything that she wanted to do because I was trying to be this different type of parent. And of course, you know, as my husband, he had to make more money, we moved into an area where there were very few African-Americans, so I had to make sure that she had the socialization and retained her identity as an African-American child. So I joined Jack and Jill of America to keep that ethnicity and, you know, our culture going. So she got to experience a lot of professional things, meet professional people, and my other girls, well, no, at least Allison and Krista looked at that, and they, as they were growing, began to compare what they didn’t have with what Drew has. And so, of course, my communication skills had to be on point because I had to let them know I was a product of my environment, so what I knew about raising them was not what I knew about raising Drew. And so they laugh about it today because they’re all adults, but it was a different type of parenting. But Drew was on myself, she was just brat, and I figured that I couldn’t, I was older. Somebody said they had a kid older, they were 32. Well, when I had Drew, I was 39, so I was old. I thought I drew had nobody, all everybody else was going up and then leaving. So Dr. Jordan and I had always said that we wanted to bless someone who needed a home, their parent had given them up. So when Drew was seven, I think we adopted my fourth daughter, Edela.
Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Okay.
Pastor Jeanette Jordan
And I didn’t know if you knew that story, Janice, but I told her that church in one of my sermons. I did tell it because people needed to know that you could adopt. I did not birth her out of my womb, but I birthed her out of my heart, and she was raised the same as the others were raised. So she became Drew’s buddy, and Drew became her buddy. So those were the ones that grew up with the different type of parenting style. And so I would say they’re the ones that really showed me the respect and the honor and took what I say to be of wisdom, and they still appreciate that today. Where the older ones now sometimes want to have a diatribe or a dialogue with conversations that we get into, but they still treat their mom with respect and honor. Now Krista, like I said, became my buddy during her time, and so when it came to having to change my normal to this new normal because my husband lives in a long-term care facility, I chose to live with Krista because we have this special bond, we have this special understanding, she understands her mother very well.
Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
That is really wonderful. And for Carol, Brenda, and Janice, yeah, I know Allison, well, I know all of them. Yeah, and I want, and I knew the age differences. They’re, Allison is 50, see, I’ll tell it if they watch it, they’ll hear. Allison is 56, well, Brian is the oldest, he’s 58. Allison is 56. Okay, then there is Krista, who is 53. Then there is Drew, who has an age that we won’t talk about.
Pastor Jeanette Jordan
I was getting ready.
Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
I know she’s in her house.
Pastor Jeanette Jordan
[Laughter] That big gap because you could actually be my son’s daughter. [Laughter] So, I mean, that’s the difference, that’s the gap. And so, of course, Drew grew up and Edela grew up with the technology and all of the new things that we have to learn about, where the other kids came from old school. And so they, like I said, there was an old school way of parenting then that made parenting a little different. I heard someone say about their son, she had to let him know who was who, baby Carol. It was because at age 14, Brian thought he could box his mom. He thought, Mom, I just let you spank me just cause, you know, I don’t want to hurt you. And I said, excuse me. So I pushed the furniture back in the living room, and I said, we’re gonna box, and we’re going to just show who. And we did, and I boxed him, and he tells you a story. I knocked him so hard up against the wall, he slid down. I thought sure was going to have to call DCFS because I thought I heard it real bad. But from that point on, as a teenager, I had no problems, and so he knew who the boss was. So maybe that’s the boy thing, although I do have a nephew that I raised, but he was just a different kind of a kid, kind of low-key, didn’t give me any problems, really not real social, more of an introvert, you know, more of a homebody. I had to kind of push him out to say, no, you got to get out of here and go visit a friend or something. So I had just a multiplicity of parenting styles that I just can’t put it all in one bucket because I’ve experienced a little of this and a little of that in all of it.
Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Wow, and that’s why I really wanted you on the show with me because I, well, I knew that, you know, Allison and then Drew, you know, and I knew there was this big age range. And then let’s, let’s, we’re gonna, Carol, I want to talk about parenting style. So I have a comment here from, and I’m trying to show it, Gwendolyn Dunbar. She says, I truly agree with parenting, with parenting should not be dictatorial, but with feeling, understanding, and realizing each child is different. I saw that with my mother, and I, I saw that with my mother, and I watched her learning process. Parenting is not a one-size-fits-all.
Dr. Carol Rogers
Agreed, absolutely, perfectly said.
Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
So, so, Carol, what is your parenting style? Is it old school or is it new school?
Dr. Carol Rogers
Well, I wholeheartedly agree with Gwendolyn Dunbar. Each child is different, so your parenting style has to fit each child. You can’t treat each child the same. So I don’t know if that’s old school, new school, or any school, but that’s, that’s pretty much how I raised my children because they were all different. I did have one, one daughter who, who was very, very fair-skinned. You met her, I think. Yeah, and so she was in school, and when I would go to pick her up, her friends would ask her, they’d look at me and look at her, and they’d ask her if she was adopted because she was so fair-skinned, and I’m so dark-skinned. And she was more outgoing than my older daughter. You know, I used to like to dress them up and comb their hair and put bangs in her hair. Well, she didn’t want bangs, and the other daughter, she didn’t care, you know. So I had to, you know, adjust that. Okay, you don’t want bangs. Okay, I can’t let you wear bangs. One, one time she, it was the winter time when she came downstairs in a bikini and some snow boots. And so what I learned from that is she’s, she’s more my more creative child, more right brain, and my oldest daughter, she’s more left brain, more linear. So of course, I had to treat, treat each one of them differently. So I wholeheartedly agree with Gwendolyn.
Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
So I have a question that came in a text, and so I want each one of you to answer this. And since we’re talking with you, Cara, I want you to answer this first. What is the best and worst part of being a mother?
Dr. Carol Rogers
Well, the best part for me is just being a mother, just being there. I was blessed that I was able to be a stay-at-home mom because, you know, my husband, he made pretty good money, so I was able to stay at home and raise my own children and put my own self into them. So that was one thing that was really, really a good thing for me. Now, you said the best and the worst part. I really don’t have a worse part, okay, because, I mean, even though, you know, no matter what we’ve gone through, it’s all been just a blessing learning them and being able to steer them, you know, and just being able to, I just consider myself blessed to have been their mother. You know, God could have given them to anybody, but he gave them to me, so I don’t really feel that there’s a, for me, that it was not in my experience that there was not, because my, like I said before, my girls, I mean, they were so respectful, and they’re still that way today. And my son, you know, he’s, he low-key tries to get my opinion on things. He’ll say, well, what do you think about this, and what do you think, and he tries to play it off, but I know he’s asking me for himself. So, you know, I appreciate that. So I don’t have any bad, any bad things about being a mother. I absolutely love it, and I wish I’d had six instead of three.
Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
All righty, now what about you, Brenda? What’s the best part and worst part?
Brenda Tucker Jeffries
I think the best part for me is just seeing her happy, no matter what, you know, as long as she’s happy, that’s great with me. The worst part is seeing her struggle to get through things that I can’t fix for her, that if I could fix it, it would be done, no problem. But, you know, sometimes I can step in and do a little bit, and I will, but just seeing her struggle to have to get to the point of where she’s through and over something, that’s the worst.
Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Okay, what about you, Janice?
Janice Williams
I would say the best part is when you look at your daughter and you can see the progression. You can see in that little girl who started off shy, who just blossomed into this dynamo, take charge, handling her business, being independent. That is a joy, that’s a blessing from God, you know, because you put your best in them, but you have no idea how they’re going to turn out. So just that feeling of thank you, God, whatever mistakes I made, you muted them, but you molded, and this is something that I like, this is someone that I’m proud of. Now, conversely, to me, the hardest thing is that very fine line between offering advice when they’re not sure if they want it, when it’s unsolicited, when you just wanna, you know, let me just whisper in the air, but they may not want to hear it. So having to know when to hold them, when to fold it, when to give them the advice, when to hold that, because you don’t want to be resented. So that is a very fine line, especially when you have so much love for them, as Brenda talked about, you don’t, you know, want to see them fail, but you understand that with all that independence, you walk a fine line between being helpful and being interfering. So to me, that’s the biggest challenge.
Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Okay, on, we got a comment from, who is this, Brenda Talking Life Easy Lemon, that’s somebody you know, Janice, he’s smiling, and she says, the best part is seeing them being productive adults in society. My daughters actually helped me develop as a woman.
Brenda Tucker Jeffries
Okay.
Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
I learned a lot from them. All right, okay, that’s the, I like that, they help you develop as a woman. So, Pastor Jordan, what was the, what’s the best part and the worst part of being a mother?
Pastor Jeanette Jordan
Well, I know Brenda Lemon, and she’s awesome. However, and I agree with her, the best part for me is that all, I would say, my five kids and my bonus son have been productive and are productive people in this society. They have all chosen careers that they love, they have excelled at their careers. I have one who’s a director of contracting for a healthcare firm, I have another one who’s a director for DreamWorks, I have another, my son is a director for a pharmaceutical company in Dallas, Texas. Well, everybody knows Drew is successful in her chosen career, and my bonus son, nephew, chose to go to the United States Army so that he could serve this country, and he’s done well. He spent some time over in Poland, and he even volunteered to go to Romania on a special mission. And so they have all chosen and been successful in those career choices, and the best part of it is that I was their mom, and none of them chose, of course, my vocation or profession, neither did they choose their dads. But even though we tried to push them in our own direction, we allowed them to choose what their dreams would be, and so in choosing so, they have done successful, they’ve been successful, they’re able to provide for themselves and their children. The worst part is me letting go and letting this. I’m one of those parents that I like to butt in, and I like the big stuff. We all go through things, we go through stuff. My kids call me every day. I mean, I don’t know if everybody’s kids, but my adult kid, well, I can’t say Brian calls me twice a week, that’s my son, but my daughters, I talk to each one of them every day. They may share what’s going on with them for that day, and I always have some advice, and I’m learning now, so sometimes not to give advice, but sometimes just to listen, because they’re not always calling me or asking for the advice, they just need to get some stuff out of their chest. So I have just, and you’re never too old to learn, so I’m learning how to let go and let go, knowing that they can fix it anyway, because I let them know God has fixed my life, and if he fixed mine, he’ll fix yours. And I let them express themselves and give them the space and the time that they need. So just cutting that umbilical cord is the hardest part. I’ve not yet cut it off all the way. There’s still remnants of that umbilical cord following me around with my children.
Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
So we only have like a couple of minutes to go, so in one sentence, one sentence, I’m a pastor, I know you, wait a minute, wait, and I know Janice likes to talk, Brenda likes to talk, Carol likes to talk, one sentence.
Pastor Jeanette Jordan
Yes, ma’am.
Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
One sentence advice for mothers out there, one sentence, Dr. Jordan, one sentence, what’s the best advice that you can give?
Pastor Jeanette Jordan
Treat each child as individuals, allowing them to be who they are, loving them for who they are, and letting them know that you appreciate and love them for themselves.
Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Okay, all right, and if you would like to get in contact with Jordan, you can go to Journey To The Cross Ministries at gmail.com, that’s Journey to the crossministries gmail.com, or you can also come on now, go to, well, it won’t say, but anyway, so for some reason, I guess this causes too many people only wants to, but anyway, Journey to the cross.com, and all right, now I will go to, there it is, it took a long time, you can also go to Women of Faith zero zero seven at gmail.com. So now if you didn’t get a chance to write any of this down or you didn’t take a screenshot, you know you can always go to YouTube or to my Facebook page and you will see that. So now Brenda Tucker Jeffries, if anyone would like to get in contact with you, no, first of all, give me the one sentence advice that you would like to give to a mama, a mother, what’s the best advice, one sentence.
Brenda Tucker Jeffries
Continue to demonstrate to your children in a manner that it’s meaningful to them that you care and love them no matter what.
Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
That’s wonderful advice, and if you would like to get in contact with Brenda, if you’re a model or see her in her next play, you can contact Brenda on LinkedIn, Brenda Tucker Jeffries on LinkedIn. Now let’s go to Janice Williams. All right, Janice, give us one sentence, oh wait a minute, I gotta unmute you, hold on, okay, go ahead. Okay, so Janice, you know I’m a mental health clinician, and I would say that the mental health issues of young women right now are probably at a most, one of the most precarious states that I’ve seen over four decades. So my advice is teach your daughters to truly love themselves and to truly love God. If you love yourself and you truly love God, you will not abuse anyone, you will not allow anyone to abuse you, you will forgive yourself when you make mistakes, you will ask God for guidance. If you love yourself and you love God, your daughters are gonna be fine, mine is.
Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Alrighty, thank you so much, Janice. And last but not least, Carol, what advice in one sentence would you give to mothers today?
Dr. Carol Rogers
First, I echo everything everybody has said, and I think that mothers should be good role models because girls, especially our girls, are, we’re the first thing that they know about what a woman should be. So we should do what we say and mean what we say and not say one thing and do something different. We should listen to our daughters and spend time with our daughters and let them know they’re important. And if we carry ourselves in such a way that we’re, you know, that we respect ourselves, that will help them to learn and to grow to respect themselves.
Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
All right, that’s the longest run-on sentence I’ve ever seen.
Dr. Carol Rogers
Yeah, one long run.
Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
So if anyone would like to get in contact with Carol Rogers, there is, she is, you can get in contact with her at anointedtowrite@gmail.com. If you would like to see her as far as her acting career, she acts in plays also. What I really wanted to say too is that both Carol and Brenda are authors, so if you reach out to them, I am sure that they would be extremely happy to send a book to you or even as being speakers, all of them actually, if you would like to have them to come and speak to you about, as far as Pastor Jeanette is concerned, about Alzheimer’s and Dementia. I’ve gone to one of her workshops and she gives so much information on that, tips and tools of how to deal with that. And Janice Williams, I do know that you can contact her, especially if you know of someone who is having mental health issues. So I want to thank all five of you for being on the show this evening. And the Silent Fight Podcast, she put a couple of, I guess it’s gonna come up there, absolutely, the Silent Fight Podcast. And so I wish all five of you a beautifully blessed, happy Mother’s Day, and I will see all of you soon. As a matter of fact, wait a minute, you know, let me put Pastor Jeanette back on. I believe I’m going to be a guest on your show.
Pastor Jeanette Jordan
Yes, you are. That’s going to be the fourth Saturday of this month. We do every fourth Saturday, Women and Men of Faith caregiver support group, and Dr. Janice Fortman will be our guest speaker on the 27th of May. We have people on our platform that come from all, oh no, you did change it to me, that’s right, right, all over. And caregivers need support to know that they’re not in this battle all by themselves. You see this little plaque behind me, it says BOAD, B-O-A-D, which stands for Beast of a Disease, Alzheimer’s. And so we talk about how to care for those who have had some cognitive impairment, those who may be living with Alzheimer’s or some forms of dementia. So I’m so excited to have you, Dr. Fortman, because I know that.
Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
I’m excited to be there.
Pastor Jeanette Jordan
You cared for my girlfriend when she was struggling, my mama.
Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Yes.
Pastor Jeanette Jordan
All times, her mom was my girlfriend. So yeah, we’re excited. So if you could join us, it’s at two o’clock Central Standard Time. We go from 2 to 3:30, and we cry, we laugh, we told testimonies, we hear stories, and we just become caregivers and partners in this journey together.
Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
All right, thank you so much. Thank you so much. And again, happy Mother’s Day to all of you.
Guests
Thank you.
Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Thank you, and it was so wonderful. Oops, sorry, they’re cutting us off. This has been so wonderful. I hope that you got some valuable information, mothers and mothers-to-be, mothers, grandmothers, mothers-to-be. I’d like to wish all of you a men and women, mothers and sons, mothers and daughters, daddies and daughters, a happy Mother’s Day. I will see you again next week on Relationship Matters TV. So now I got a little video. [Music] This week.