Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Good morning, good afternoon, good evening wherever you are in the world. It’s Dr. Jan Fortman with Relationship Matters TV. I hope everyone is having a beautifully blessed morning, afternoon, or evening. You know, last week I talked about how happy we were here in Chicago, and we’re still happy because the weather is beautiful. I think I can probably stop wearing a jacket. We’re happy, and I hope everything is going well with you. I’m going to jump right in today with the guest that is with us. Let me tell you about her. This is a subject matter that I know quite a few will be interested in, and I know you’re going to get a lot of value from this. If you are a daughter that grew up without a father, you need to be watching this. As a matter of fact, if you know some women who grew up without fathers, go get them and tell them to tune into this episode today. So let me tell you who I have. I have, she doesn’t want to say doctor, but I’m saying doctor anyway, Dr. Renita Gibbs. Doctor, what all can I say about her? Let me say this, she’s a successful entrepreneur, she is a fatherless daughter advocate, she is a life coach, and her goal is to empower and encourage women who have not had fathers in their lives. And this is what I really love about her, she seeks opportunities to extend to women the tools of liberation and freedom from the feelings that you can get from being a fatherless daughter. You can have feelings of bondage, rejection, even go into co-dependency, and her focus is to have women personally dismantle the mental bondage and take up the torch of knowledge, wisdom, strength, and courage to rise above the obstacles and pull from deep within themselves to believe and to manifest the dreams that lie deep within us. I’m going to bring to you, as they say in the theater, without further ado, I’m going to bring to you Renita Gibbs. And you know what I want to say right quick before she even talks? She just came back from Dubai. You know, okay, grow up, I want to be just like you, Renita. Hey, so welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome.

Renita Gibbs
I would just want to say thank you for having me as a guest on your show this evening, this morning, wherever people are watching around the world. I want to say thank you, Miss Jan, for having me as a guest this evening.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
You know what, I just did a brief introduction of you, but tell me, who are you?

Renita Gibbs
Well, my name is Renita Gibbs. I’m out of the Atlanta, Georgia area. I’m a fatherless daughter advocate. I advocate for women who were raised without a biological father. The name of my company is called Fresh Wisdom Services, and what we do is help redefine women who were raised without a father beyond being fatherless. Our mission and our goal is to help transform the lives of women all over the world because, you know just as well as I do, Jan, it’s a growing epidemic as far as the fatherless generation, and the statistics and the numbers are real.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
So when you say statistics, what do you talk, you know, what are the statistics?

Renita Gibbs
Well, believe it or not, they say 92 percent of fatherless daughters end up in divorce. They say about 71 percent of fatherless daughters are dropouts, as well as about 70 percent of fatherless daughters end up being pregnant in their teenage years. So the numbers and the statistics are real as far as the fatherless daughter’s generation.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Wow, wow. And you know, I didn’t know it was like that. So when we talk about fatherless daughters, describe to me your definition. What is exactly a fatherless daughter? I know we think, okay, well it started with our father, but exactly what is it?

Renita Gibbs
Okay, a fatherless daughter is a female who grew up with an unavailable, unattached, or absent dad. Now, what I want to do is take a few minutes to explain what I’m talking about. When I say your father was unavailable, he could have been unavailable by way of incarceration, he could have been unavailable by way of the military, your father and your mother could have been divorced or separated. So that’s what I mean when I say he was unavailable. Then when I say that you can be a fatherless daughter by way of your father being unattached, you and your father could have been raised in the same household, but there was no connection between the two of you guys, so there was no attachment there. I talked to a lot of individuals who tell me, “Well, Renita, I was raised with my dad, we were in the same household, but there’s no connection, there’s no bond between the two.” Or your father could have been absent, like mine was, not present in my life at all. He left at the age of six, I didn’t see him again until I was 39 years old. So that is my definition of a fatherless daughter. Your father can be absent, unavailable, or unattached.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Wow. So the effect that it has, is there a different effect to a daughter if the father is in the home and considered fatherless, or when the father is just not in the home at all? Does it affect a daughter in different ways or in the same way?

Renita Gibbs
I would say it probably would affect a daughter in the same way, but I really wouldn’t know that because I didn’t have a dad in my household. But what I can say is that a person who has a dad in their life, when they see a man coming and going, that may be all that he or she may need to sustain to say that their dad is in their life. So I would think the effect is pretty strong between both parties, whether he’s in the home or even if he’s not. Even if he’s in the home or not in the home, I know if he’s not in the home, it’s going to affect you even more. But some dads are in the home, but they don’t have a connection with their children. They may be working a lot, they may be workaholics, or whatever, they may travel a lot, and it still can affect the child.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
So your father wasn’t in your home. How did that affect you?

Renita Gibbs
Oh my God, how did it affect me? It affected me because, you know what, Jan, I always wanted to be daddy’s little girl. I was that girl that always wanted to be daddy’s little girl, and I was never afforded that opportunity because, like I just stated, my daddy walked out of our life at the age of six, and I didn’t see him again until I was 39. But it was very detrimental to me for the simple fact that, you know, I can remember from high school, and I didn’t even remember from elementary school, on how, you know, we used to have various things at the school, PTA meetings, I used to have track meetings, I used to have softball practice and things of those natures, and, you know, other kids used to have both parents that showed up at those events, and I never really, you know, had that opportunity. It was always my mom, she was very supportive, and she was there for me to attend all those events. However, you know, it affected me because I always wanted to be that little girl that had a dad growing up. I wanted my dad to teach me some things that I think a daddy should have instilled in a young lady at an early age. But, you know, like I said, I wasn’t afforded that opportunity. You know, I can remember very well that I was very athletic in school, and I was playing, I think, softball, and one of the coaches asked me, “You know, where did you get this skill from, how to play softball so well? Did your daddy teach you how to throw that way?” And I was like, “No.” You know, even though I probably had those traits from him, but, you know, he didn’t teach me because he wasn’t in my life. So it affected me in more ways than I can imagine.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
So that was when you were a kid, but when you got to be an adult, how did not having the father in your life affect you as an adult?

Renita Gibbs
As an adult, it affects me pretty much the same way because, you know, I always wanted to be that individual that had that daddy. That’s all I wanted to do was be able to travel and be able to be there, be supportive, have that support from my daddy. I wanted his praise, I wanted his protection, I wanted his presence, I wanted all those things. You know, even as an adult, I used to always visualize me and my daddy going and doing things as he grew older, you know, as he got older, him and I going out and doing things and, you know, spending that quality time together. You know, even as an adult, I can literally say I really, really felt the unction of what it felt like to not have that. That really, really affected me. It’s amazing how even as a child it affected me, and even as I got older, it still affected me in my life.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
So has it affected your relationship with men?

Renita Gibbs
To a certain degree, because as a fatherless daughter, we have daddy wounds that show up, and from time to time, daddy wounds show up in my life, and I have to literally tell my husband, “Hey, that’s one of them daddy wounds that showed up.”

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Wait a minute, what is that?

Renita Gibbs
Okay, a daddy wound may show up like, let’s say, for instance, you don’t know how to be okay. Like, for instance, in my household, I didn’t know how to accept things from my husband. It was a challenge for me initially because my husband is a very giving type person. So, you know, when he used to give me things, sometimes I didn’t show that appreciation that he probably wanted to see when he gave me something initially, and that’s because in my household growing up, I didn’t see that as a child. So when I became an adult and God blessed me with a God-fearing man and a man who wanted to give me all that chivalry and all that love, I didn’t know early on how to accept it. It was something that had to grow on me. So, you know, and then every now and then, I can be honest, is that, you know, he may, you know, I’m used to getting what I want and doing what I want, so if I say I want to go to Red Lobster and he says, “No, I want to go to McDonald’s,” I may have a fit if I don’t get a chance to go to Red Lobster because that’s when I’m accustomed to getting what I want. So I had to learn how to deal with some of those daddy wounds that were showing up.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Okay, but we got a question already. It says, “What were your feelings toward your dad from age 6 to 39?”

Renita Gibbs
Wow, what were my feelings towards my dad? Well, initially, at the age of six, I really can’t say that I had some feelings, but as I got older, probably around my middle school, high school age, my feelings were I felt lonely, I felt as though he had abandoned me, I felt as though he had left me. I was kind of upset, I was angry because I wanted to know why he was not in my life. You know, I knew my father knew exactly where we were because I live in Atlanta, but I’m from Augusta, so he knew that we were in Augusta, and my feelings were a little, you know, uneasy with him because I felt as though he just forgot about us, you know, he wasn’t interested in finding out who we were or finding out if we were still living or what was going on with us.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Okay, okay, girl, they just coming in. It says, “Okay, I love it. Okay, so before you got married and found the man that you wanted, did not having a father impact the kind of men you were dating or looking for? In other words, I think what they’re trying to say is, were you looking for your daddy?”

Renita Gibbs
I would literally say that, you know, prior to me marrying my husband in 1997, I was looking for love in all the wrong places. I was going to say looking for love in all the wrong places. I was looking for love in all the wrong places, and not only that, I never really dated anyone my age. I always was attracted to older men, so I can say yes to that question, that I was always looking for a daddy-type figure in a boyfriend, put it like that. So, yes, that played a significant part in me as far as, you know, the type of men that I dated and the type of man that I didn’t date before I got married.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Okay, okay. All right, so now, so you decided to search for your father. Now, how did your mother feel about you searching for your father?

Renita Gibbs
Well, I can say that, you know, as long as I can remember, I used to always have conversations with my mother about what did my dad look like, who was my dad, what traits I got from my dad. You know, I used to always talk to her about qualities of my father because she used to always say, “You look just like your daddy, you act just like your daddy.” So, you know, she used to say those things to me, so I was always very inquisitive about what he looked like. And I can literally say that I lost my train of thought, but I can literally say that my—what was your question again?

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Don’t ask me that because I’m looking at these other questions. Okay, audience, put it in a chat. See, I can say that, you know, I’m having a senior moment because I’m a senior.

Renita Gibbs
Well, I can say that because I would love to address that question again.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Are you like your father? You said your mother—I ask you now, I remember—you know, how did your mother feel when you started searching for your dad, and then you were talking about, you know, you used to ask her things because she would say, you know, “Oh, you look like your dad, you just like your dad,” or, you know, “You act like your dad,” and then you were explaining.

Renita Gibbs
Well, she felt very good when I told her that, you know, when I used to ask questions and everything, but the older I got, the more serious I got about the search, and I think, you know, I can tell that there were some things that probably took place that she didn’t want me to know. You know, what those things were, I don’t know, but I noticed sometimes when I used to speak with her about, “I’m going to find my daddy, I’m going to keep searching until I find my father,” you know, her attitude and her demeanor used to change from time to time. She never, you know, said, “Don’t do it,” you know, she used to always say, “He’s up there,” because believe it or not, my father was a retired sergeant major out of Fort Bragg, North Carolina, and she knew that. So she used to always say, “He’s up there at Fort Bragg,” you know, but she encouraged me along the way to find my father, you know, she was very supportive. However, I did all the work.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Okay, so another question came in. You know, I told you what was gonna happen, girl. Okay, so this is a text from Maxine. She says, “Were you looking for a good provider in your husband?”

Renita Gibbs
Absolutely, absolutely, because that’s something that a dad does, a dad provides. So when I was, you know, start dating, when I started dating and when I started looking for a candidate—I ain’t gonna say looking for a candidate because I wasn’t looking for nobody, he found me—but when I decided on a candidate, of course, I was looking for an excellent provider to be able to take care of me just like a father would be able to take care of his daughter.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
So, Renita, how did you find him?

Renita Gibbs
How did I find my daddy? You know, believe it or not, I was on a speaking engagement, and all throughout my childhood life, you know, after my mother and my father separated, as long as I was in high school and I was in college, I was able to get military benefits. And I’ll never forget that I was out, I went to the hospital to get a regular checkup, and when I went to get the regular checkup, they used to always update the records and ask you, “Are you still at this address? Are you still at that address?” And of course, I was not at none of those addresses that my father was at, but when they gave me the address, I always kept that address. So I just happened to be in Fayetteville, North Carolina, heading on a speaking engagement, and I have always kept my father’s address in my wallet. And I’ll never forget, after the driver had picked me up from the airport and we were driving to the hotel, I passed the sign, and it was like Fayetteville, so many miles up the road, and I was like, “Wow.” And at the time when I saw Fayetteville on that sign, my heart started beating, and I said, “You know what, I have my father’s address, and I know he was at Fort Bragg,” and I said that I was gonna knock on the door, I was gonna see if I can find him since I was that close to him, and the rest is history. That’s exactly what I did, and we were able to make a connection.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
So did he know you? I mean, did he see himself in you?

Renita Gibbs
Absolutely, he knew me. Like I said, after I got finished with my event, I, at the time, we didn’t have the, what you call them, phone, the map, we had the MapQuest. I had to Google the address from the hotel, and I had the driver to take me there. And when I initially connected with my dad, the first thing that really just threw me off was on my way to his address, I saw my maiden name on the mailbox. And when I saw my maiden name on the mailbox, I got nervous, I started sweating, I didn’t know what to do because I knew that was my daddy’s house. And even though I was talking all this stuff about, “I’m going, I’m going,” but the closer I got there, and when I saw my maiden name on that mailbox, I was like, “Oh my God, I am here.” And believe it or not, Miss Jan, I got out of the house, and I knocked on the door. And when I knocked on the door, I didn’t see any, I didn’t hear any movement in the house, and I had a girlfriend with me in the car, and I’ll never forget that I knocked and knocked and knocked on the door, nobody never came out to the door. And when I went back to the car, I told her, I said, “You know what, at least I came this far, nobody was home, at least I came.” That’s what my mouth was saying, but my heart was saying something totally different because I felt as though I got this close to him and nobody was home. So, you know, I was a little disappointed because when I saw that maiden name on that mailbox, I knew I was at the right place. Now, whether or not he was going to be inside the house, I didn’t know that. But fast forward a little bit, the next day was Sunday, we went to church, we got out of church service a little early, so my girlfriend said, “Hey, since we got out of church early, let’s go back by your daddy’s house.” And I was like, “Let’s do it.” So we went back by my dad’s house, and when we went that second time, I saw a car in the driveway with a veteran’s tag on it. So my heart started beating real bad then because I was under the impression, and I was under the impression, I knew somebody was in there. And to make a long story short, I knocked on the door, and I heard movement.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
That’s what the question was. It says, “What happened when you first connected with your dad?” That was the next question that’s coming in here.

Renita Gibbs
I love it, I love it, I love it. You know, I knocked on the door, and when I knocked on the door, a man came out of the door. And when he came out the door, he was my complexion, he had all white hair, so I see why I have had gray hair since high school, but he had all white hair, and he was on a cane. And I’ll never forget, I looked at him, and I said, “Hey, how you doing?” And he said, “How you doing?” And it was amazing because I said, “Do you know who I am?” And, you know, he looked at me, and I looked at him, and you know what he said? He said, “No, baby, I don’t know who you are. Are you at the right house?” And that was like a blow to my heart because here I am looking at my biological father, and he’s telling me he didn’t know who I was. So I looked at him, and I said, “Do me a favor, hold my hand.” So I reached my hands out to his hands, by this time he had put his cane down, and he’s leaning up against a car, and we’re standing there holding hands. And as we’re holding hands, I look him in his face, and I say, “You know what, I’m Renita.” And when I said, “I’m Renita,” his eyes got big, he grabbed me, we hugged each other, and we embraced each other. And then all of a sudden, it was like a force just pushed us back from each other. You may not be able to understand that, some of the listeners may not be able to understand it, but a force pushed us back from each other, and I looked him in his eyes, and I said, “You know what, I love you, and I forgive you.”

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Wow.

Renita Gibbs
And the rest was history, and the Lord blessed me with the last six months of his life.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Oh my goodness.

Renita Gibbs
The last six months I got blessed with.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
So what did your dad say about his absence? Did you all discuss that?

Renita Gibbs
We talked about it, and all he kept saying was, “I am so sorry, I am so sorry.” That’s all he kept saying, how sorry he was. And it was a blessing because later on that evening, we exchanged phone numbers, and I told him that night that I had an engagement that I had to be at. And it was such a blessing because when I left my dad, he wanted to see me so bad that night that he rode around Fayetteville to several different hotels trying to find me, but my hotel wasn’t in Wilson, it was in my maiden name, which is Gibbs. So several of the hotels that he went to looking for me, he couldn’t find me at those hotels. So to make a long story short, I was able to get with him that next day, and no, I was able to talk to him on the phone. He told me, “I’ve been looking for you all night, I wasn’t able to get with you.” So we spoke on the phone, and I actually got a breakthrough on the phone because, like I told you in the beginning of this interview, is that I always wanted to be daddy’s little girl, right? So I never had the opportunity to say “Daddy.” So when we got off the phone that night, I was like, “I love you, Daddy, good night, Daddy.” And when I said that that night on the phone, it was like shackles just broke off me, and that was everything. It was a priceless moment in my life.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
That story, that gives me chills, you know, and like you say, you were so blessed to be able to find him, you know, before he passed. That, you know, that is really something when you think about it, because I’m a fatherless daughter, so to speak, you know. So now my father wasn’t in my house. When I was younger, real young, I thought my mother’s second husband was my father because that was the last name that I had. But, you know, as kids, you know how kids snoop, right? You know, your parents not home, you’re going through, and I was very inquisitive. And so your parents are not home, and you’re going through all kinds of stuff, and I started seeing things and pictures and this and that and reading stuff I wasn’t supposed to. My mother had a cedar chest, okay, and I would raise up that cedar chest, and I was just rummaging and going all through all kinds of things, and that’s when I saw my father. But so now when I was maybe like about 11 or 12, then that’s when my mother was telling me about my father.

Renita Gibbs
Wow.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
And I’m like, “Oh, I already know that.” You know, “How did you know?” And so then I met him, and I thought, “Wow,” you know, and you have that feeling like, “Okay, so how come you’re not here, you know, with me, and how come you didn’t seek me out,” you know, and stuff like that. So you do get to have those feelings, you know, and as you get older. Now, my mother never said anything negative about him, but then after that, I started meeting other members of my family on his side, you know, and like you say, you said you forgive your father. I had a conversation with my father, and he led a very colorful life, and as a matter of fact, he was in that entertainment industry, and he was Etta James’ manager for a while, so he was up in that, him and my grandfather, you know, big time. But talking with him and the way he was talking about women, that’s when I looked and said, “You know what, he really did not have the capacity to really be a father,” you know, which freed me as to, you know, and so I get where you’re coming from with that realization, whatever realization we come to as far as our fathers are concerned. But yes, it does affect a girl’s life in so many ways. And there’s another question here from Sandy Barney, and she said, “Did he have other children?”

Renita Gibbs
Yes, I had a sister probably one year younger than I did. I was, you know, me and my sister here in Atlanta grew up together with our father, and then once I reconnected with my dad, I did find that I had a sister who did not appreciate me reaching out to my dad. You know, she wasn’t receptive to me. However, you know, she’s my sister, and she’s one year younger than I am, and I have not seen her since my father transitioned in 2010.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Wow, you know, and you telling me you found the sister, I found a sister.

Renita Gibbs
Oh, hey, wow.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Yeah, you know, I have never met her personally. My older brother has, he met her, you know, but I never met her, and all I know is that she’s in California, but I would love to meet her, you know. But I’ve heard that before. I had a friend who didn’t know who her father—well, her mother would never talk about her father, and when she found her father, she had like brothers and sisters, you know, and fortunately for her, they all welcomed her, and she welcomed them. And she said that she—when you talk about fatherless daughters and the way that affects people, her mother never got along with my friend’s son, so that was her grandson. What she found out was that her son looked exactly like her father.

Renita Gibbs
Wow.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
And that breakup, you know, I guess was a bad breakup because he left the family, and that’s when she understood, “No wonder,” she said, “when I saw, when I finally met my father, it’s like, ‘Oh my God, my son is the spitting image of my father,’ and now I understand a whole lot.” I need to go to a commercial. Oh, Sandy Barnes did say this when she said, “Her loss, not yours.”

Renita Gibbs
Absolutely, absolutely, Miss Sandy, you are absolutely right. Her loss, not yours.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Well, Renita, I gotta take a quick break. This is a quick, quick break. Gotta pay the piper, and so we’re gonna come back, and we’re gonna talk about your book because you have a fantastic book, and we’re going to talk about—we touched on the fact that you were an advocate, but I want to go in just a little bit deeper of what all of that means, okay?

Renita Gibbs
Alrighty.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Alrighty, we will be right back with Dr. Renita Gibbs, so don’t go anywhere.

[Music Break]

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
So we are back with Renita Gibbs. So now, Renita, you wrote a book, an award-winning book, and tell us a little bit about your book, a lot about your book.

Renita Gibbs
Okay, my book is called “Finding Daddy.” It was written in 2010, it was released in 2011. And the book came out of obedience pretty much because after I connected with my father, I was laying in the bed one day, and I was just really just playing back everything that happened in my life and how it happened and how I was able to make the connection with my father and some of the things that I was so fortunate that I was able to do with him. And God dropped it in my spirit, and he told me that the journey that I had been on looking for my biological father wasn’t even about me. He told me I needed to put it in a book so I can be a blessing to others because if he did it for me, he can do it for them. So what I did, I had to be very transparent as far as the content and the information I shared. It’s pretty much my life story on how me not having my father in my life and how it affects me throughout my life and what kind of impact it made on my life and, you know, some of the experiences and some of the things that I went through. You know, in the book, it’s going to make some people laugh, it’s going to make some people cry and everything, but the way that we ended the book was kind of like a cliffhanger, so if you want to do a continuation of the book, we can do that. But the book is a page-turner. I’ve been very fortunate to talk to a lot of people who have had the pleasure of reading the book, and they were so inquisitive about what’s going to happen next that they were just, you know, turning the pages and everything. And we’re getting ready to embark upon Father’s Day, and, you know, it’s a lot of people that’s getting ready to celebrate their fathers, and there’s a lot of us who don’t have a father to celebrate. And it’s just another way that I can give back to individuals by reading my journey so they can hear my heart and hear my story because it means—it’s more than a book to me because it’s something that I want—it’s my journey, it’s my story.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Let me show them the cover of your book, “Finding Daddy.” That’s beautiful, that’s beautiful. So now, how can they get your book? Is it on Amazon or?

Renita Gibbs
Yes, ma’am, they can purchase it off Amazon. They can go, and then when they go to Amazon, all they have to do is type in my name or the name of the book. They can go to my website as well, purchase it off the website. You can go to Books-A-Million, Barnes & Noble, it’s online. There’s a lot of opportunities for them to get a copy of the book. However, if they order the book from the website, they would get an autographed copy of the book from me because in the content, they can tell me exactly who they want me to sign the book to.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Now, I’m gonna type in your website. What is your website?

Renita Gibbs
It’s renitagibbs.com.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
That’s easy to remember, that’s your name. Okay, so that’s, and let me put it right here right now, renitagibbs.com. There you go. Now, one of the things that you asked me before we went to commercial was as far as being an advocate. As being an advocate for a fatherless daughter community, we have a group of young ladies, and we’re a part of a network, and the network is called the Fatherless Daughters Network. And we’re a group of individuals who have like minds and like spirits, and all of us are pretty much fatherless daughters. And what has happened, they have created a safe environment where women can come and talk about their own personal journey and get feedback and get information and healings and talk about the trauma that probably has taken place in their life. But as a certified advocate, it allows me to be licensed, to be trained, as well as to be able to facilitate workshops and any kind of speaking engagement, any kind of workshop for any kind of teaching on being a fatherless daughter.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
So is this online, or is it based in Atlanta only, or is it virtual also?

Renita Gibbs
No, it’s online. It’s online, and the Fatherless Daughters Network is online, and our goal is to, in the next five years, our goal collectively, because it’s a group of women, to reach at least a million women who are fatherless to help them become free from, you know, not being able to have their father in their life and what kind of childhood trauma they went through and how it affected them, to help them get to the point where they’re able to turn their pain into their passion, you know, and start talking about some of the things that have helped them. Because that’s exactly what I did, I turned my pain into my passion, and now I’m able to, you know, talk about it. It’s very therapeutic for me because as I’m talking to the listeners in your audience, I’m really talking to myself as well.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Thank you. One more thing, one of the highlights of me connecting with my father was the opportunity that when I got married, he didn’t walk me down the aisle, and I was able to renew my vows, and my father was able to walk me down the aisle. And that was a priceless moment for me because I always wanted that. So in essence, with me finding him, I was able to get that accomplished, and that was a beautiful thing, that’s something I’ll always remember.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
So your clientele, or you have more younger women, you know, than, let’s say, older women, or, you know, how is that as far as your advocacy group, the women who join?

Renita Gibbs
Well, believe it or not, it’s in between. It’s in between, I’d say more of a 40-50 age, you know, high-end clientele as far as the age group. You know, now me personally, when I’m doing like one-on-one or if I’m doing some group, I have a group that I can do between the ages of 13 and 18, that’s one age group that I work with. And then I also work with some women that are much older than that, 18 or older. But it’s just amazing because there’s a lot of older women that’s still out there that’s mad about things that happened way back when, you know, and they’re still angry. So, you know, one of the oldest ages that I had the pleasure of working with was a young lady around the age of 77 years old. She was still hurt and broken by things that transpired in her life with her father, and she was carrying that to her grave, and she was able to get a breakthrough, we were able to talk about some things. So, you know, it touches every age group and every nationality, it has, it’s out there.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Wow, okay, so here’s another question. What is the most pain that some of the women have expressed by not having a father in their life?

Renita Gibbs
I would say the most pain would probably be just going through all the rejection. The rejection is a hard piece because when your father, that one person who’s supposed to love you, protect you, and provide, when he rejects you, you grow up and you start dealing with rejection, you start dealing with abandonment issues, you start, you know, fatherless daughters have trusting issues. And then, like I said, a lot of fatherless daughters become very promiscuous, and they’re looking for love in all the wrong places, and they start seeking guidance, and they start seeking validation from all different men out there. And what I try to tell people is that fatherless daughters, we have a scent on us that only we can smell. Because as I’m out in the world traveling and doing things, I can recognize another fatherless daughter. And when we have a conversation, one of the first things I can say based on some of the things that come out of her mouth, “You were raised by a single parent,” and the first thing they want to know, “How do you know that?” And that’s because fatherless daughters recognize other fatherless daughters.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Girl, yes. Okay, wait, wait, wait, wait, I was gonna say, the same way we connected in Chicago.

Renita Gibbs
Oh my goodness, yes.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Wow, that’s amazing.

Renita Gibbs
It is amazing, and it also has everything to do with the spirit of discernment, but you can identify other fatherless daughters. Think about it, most fatherless daughters, they want to be loved, they want to be in a relationship. So when you see a woman out, you know, in whatever, and she’s got a lot of her body parts being revealed, she’s seeking attention, nine times out of ten, she’s a fatherless daughter. Nine times out of ten, if you have a conversation with her.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Not all of them.

Renita Gibbs
All, yeah.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
But I started saying all, but a lot of these young ladies you see with boobs out and all that out.

Renita Gibbs
Yeah.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Well, we know they’re seeking attention, but I never—well, you know what, you were right because actually, if the father was in the home, there’s no way on Earth.

Renita Gibbs
Absolutely.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
In that house, if he’s an involved father.

Renita Gibbs
Absolutely.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Yeah, if she is not a fatherless daughter.

Renita Gibbs
Absolutely.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
It would be no way on Earth that he would let her leave that out.

Renita Gibbs
Don’t define who you are.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
So, okay, another question. Has suicide ever been mentioned as far as that of a bad experience when you’re talking with these women or young ladies or whatever? Have you run across any that really just felt like they wanted to commit suicide, you know, leave here because of the rejection that they felt from their fathers?

Renita Gibbs
Absolutely, it’s one of the—it’s within one of the top five. You know, a lot of women who are not happy with who they are and what’s going on in their life, and, you know, a lot of women went through a lot of childhood trauma with their dad, whether it was molestation, whether it was being raped, or not only just not your dad being there, some dads have done some things to some individuals with that childhood trauma. Well, you know, I have actually talked to separate individuals who have considered or have talked about suicide thoughts. They have talked about being suicidal and just, you know, you know, in other words, like, “Well, my daddy didn’t want me, my dad didn’t love me, what’s the purpose of me being here?” And I constantly, you know, have those individuals to seek some kind of counseling because they need some kind of therapist to be able to, you know, talk to them because, you know, mental health is really real.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Yes, this is mental health month.

Renita Gibbs
Yeah, yeah, it’s real.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Wow, that’s it, you know, this is really eye-opening. You know, I’ve always thought that daughters need a mother and a father.

Renita Gibbs
Absolutely.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
You know, because I think I was talking to someone, and we were talking about that, like a daughter knows how a man is supposed to treat her if she has like a real father, not if she’s a fatherless daughter.

Renita Gibbs
Right.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
But yeah, if the father’s in the home and is involved, and then that way she knows what it’s supposed to be like. But, you know, with all the social media and all the problems that’s on the TV, a lot of these younger girls, this is what—that’s how they’re being raised. If you look at Hollywood and the things that they’re promoting on the TV, you know, a lot of girls think that it’s okay to have a kid without a father, but in actuality, the child is the one—I’m a product of that—you know, the child is the one that ends up suffering in the long run, especially when the husband and the wife or the boyfriend and girlfriend can’t get along. They end up normally taking it out on the child, and that’s one of the reasons why in my household, me and my husband have made a commitment, I mean a commitment, that if anything happens in the relationship, that we were going to do the right things by way of the kids because we both come from single parents, so we know what that feels like, and we know what that looks like.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Okay, well, here’s another question. Have any of the women that you know you are involved with, have they wanted to seduce someone they thought were a father image?

Renita Gibbs
Well, if they have, they never shared it with me, so I don’t know. But like I said, I know a lot of women, they look for a male’s approval and attention, so it could be a point, but like I said, I never had no one to share that with me.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Okay, so now, because we only have a few minutes left, on the back cover of your book, it’s something that is so profound. I want you to please read that to the audience. The majority of the things that people do is go straight to the back and see what it’s about.

Renita Gibbs
Okay, I’m gonna read the synopsis of the back of the book. It says, “My journey began 24 years ago. Throughout my childhood and my teenage years, I was engulfed with endless questions, endless answers to questions on why. Why was I without a father compared to all my friends? Why did I have to go without a father to take me to the father-daughter functions? I wondered why my father was not there to tell me about the birds and the bees when I began to start liking boys. I wondered why I dated older men and I was attracted to them. I thought about First Corinthians 13:11, ‘When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, and I thought as a child, but when I became a man, I put away childish things.’ I tried to move on, but I still felt a huge void in my life. It was like a puzzle with missing pieces. My life was not complete. I remained obedient, hopeful, and I prayed to God daily. I asked him to allow me to connect with my biological father. I battled many disappointments, no responses to mail, phone calls, or even visits, yet I kept my faith with all the assurance I would meet my father one day. I met a man in 1997 named Derek Gibbs. He was there for me during many tearful, restless, and fatherless nights. I truly love, admire, and appreciate my husband for understanding, encouraging, and supporting me at the most difficult time in my life. My husband embraced me with laughter and said, ‘I understand, it’s time to grow up, baby, you can call me Daddy.’ I appreciate and I love my husband for all the support he has given me, but I still wanted the love from my natural father. My long journey and search ended in June 2009 while attending a business trip in North Carolina. My prayer was finally answered. I finally made contact with my father. We met, we hugged each other. Words cannot express the joy and the completeness I experienced deep inside. To you, my Daddy, from your baby girl Renita, I love you, I forgive you with all, I forgive all the years we missed together. I need you, and you need me. We are family.”

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Girl, that is so wonderful, it really is. I got a quick little comment that came in. She said, “I’m listening, but many young women or young women, excuse me, are looking for a sponsor, even if it means having a child for child support.” You know, so I guess this, you know, this is like finding a daddy in so many different kinds of ways. Now, Renita, if people want to get in contact with you, they can go to your Facebook page, but now this is a whole lot for them to see, but if they just go in and see it says Renita Gibbs and then see your picture.

Renita Gibbs
Well, it’s Renita Wilson Gibbs on Facebook.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Okay, Renita Wilson Gibbs on Facebook, and they’ll see you on—they can find you on Facebook, and then you’re also on Instagram. And so with Instagram, so just say instagram.com/renitagibbs, right, on Instagram.

Renita Gibbs
Okay.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
All right, okay, so right before we go, what advice do you have for any woman that wants to find her father or wants to have questions with her father or wants to be in the position of reconciling their feelings as far as being a fatherless daughter?

Renita Gibbs
I would tell anybody who’s searching for a loved one, especially a father, and if it’s something that’s been stirring up those gifts in you and it’s been something that you wanted to do, I would tell you to go for it. With the technology we have today and the tools we have today, I mean, it’s available for anybody. So I would say go for it, you know, put your pride down, put all those emotions in a bag, and go ahead and get delivered from whatever’s holding you back, and go ahead and get free and reach out and do whatever you need to do to find that loved one. Even if your father is no longer living, I would recommend that they write a letter to their father expressing how they feel, and they can either bury the letter or they can either burn the letter up, but they need to get those things off their chest and get it out of them so they can express it. Because I know some of the listeners’ dads are probably no longer here, but they still may have some anger, they still may have some unforgiveness in their heart, because see, the forgiveness is not about them, it’s about you. So you want to get free, so whether you got to write a letter or whether you got to do your due diligence and do whatever you need to do to find your father, take the initiative to do it, because one thing I know, Miss Jan, if he did it for me, he can do it for them too.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Alrighty, Renita, thank you so much, thank you so much for being a guest on my show. I mean, you have given some heartfelt, valuable information, and I’m hoping that any of the viewers who are fatherless daughters and who have questions, that they reach out to you, Renita Wilson Gibbs on Facebook or Renita Gibbs on Instagram. And is there, like, if they want to call you or email you, is there like an email?

Renita Gibbs
Yeah, they can email me at renitagibbs1913@gmail.com.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Okay, I’m gonna put that on there in big so they can see that. We’re not going to scroll that, we just—yeah, there it is, that’s it, renitagibbs1913@gmail.com. Okay, if you didn’t write it down, take a screenshot, and for you non-techie folks, just like get your camera, take a picture. Look, I just learned how to do the screenshot on the computer.

Renita Gibbs
Phone and my camera.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
No, there’s a key. So, Renita, thank you again so much for bringing, you know, your information. Just thank you, it’s really been wonderful, it’s been great, and I’m going to invite you back because this was so very important.

Renita Gibbs
I want to thank you for having me.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
So you have a beautiful, blessed—I know you’re in Atlanta, so you have a beautiful, blessed rest of your day.

Renita Gibbs
Thank you.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Alrighty, bye-bye.

Renita Gibbs
Bye-bye.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
This has been so wonderful, it really has, and I know she’s brought some value to you, and I know that you have enjoyed. So look, if you want to know where your father is, you want to reconcile any issues you have, reach out to Renita Gibbs. I will see you again next week on Relationship Matters Show. Remember, there are all kinds of relationships and all kinds of relationship matters. See you again next week.