Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Good morning, good afternoon, good evening wherever you are in the world. This is Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman with Relationship Matters. I hope everyone is doing well on this glorious day. I am doing well and now you saw that introduction of my guest Jill Lublin. I’m sorry to say that Jill is ill and we’re hoping that she heals and that she gets well very, very, very soon. I want all of us really to send out prayers to Jill so that she can recover very quickly, so that she can get back to herself and hopefully be able to come on my show. Well, I know she will. I know she will get well soon and I know that she’ll be able to come on my show. I played her introduction so that when we do reschedule, you’ll be like, “Oh my God, I saw that and I really want to really speak with Jill and listen to what she has to say,” because although she’s doing all kinds of things and I am involved in her publicity challenges and we have a relationship and this is Relationship Matters and every relationship matters. But what we were going to focus on this evening, and I say evening because I’m in Chicago and it is evening, was her kindness circles. But I want to keep that theme and talk about kindness.

Before I get into that, you know I’m getting ready to get on my soapbox. I’ll be so happy when I can get off of my soapbox and you know what my soapbox is. It’s about getting vaccinated against COVID-19. Here we are with another variant, Omicron, and what I’ve been reading is that not only Omicron is a variant but there are variants within Omicron and now we are back to where we were in the beginning of 2020. As a matter of fact, we’re not only back there but we have, from what I’ve been reading, surpassed what was happening. You know, I feel so sorry for people who have become ill with COVID, especially with the anti-vaxxers, and when they get it then you hear, “Oh, I wish I had gotten vaccinated.” One of my sons teaches in Chicago public schools and most of his students, they’re on vacation now, but most of the students in the school are out with COVID and some of them whose parents were anti-vaxxers, one in particular, the mom is on a ventilator. I urge you out there who have not gotten their vaccine to get there, get the vaccine. We will not come out of this until the majority of us here in the United States and people who are watching abroad, until we get vaccinated. Now here in Chicago, in order to go anywhere in a public place, we have to show our card that we’ve been vaccinated and it’s going to be a hardship on public establishments, restaurants, and other places. So I’m urging you again, I’m urging you and urge your friends, urge the young people, get vaccinated.

Well, let me step down off of my soapbox and talk about kindness. I like to talk about random acts of kindness and what we can all do to be kind to someone. So, and I got some comments coming in already which is great and the first one was, “What about random acts of kindness?” So I’m going to just name a few and the reason why this person who sent in this comment, you know, we must be like this because the reason why I wanted to talk about this with Jill actually was because my husband called me today and he said he was at a restaurant and he said, “Wow, you know what, something just happened.” I’m like, “What?” I’m thinking, okay, a shooting, you know, I’m thinking negative. He said, “I got ready to pay my bill and the waitress told me someone already paid it.” I’m like, “What?” So I said, “Well, you know what that means, that means that you have to pay it forward.” And that’s what we did. We saw a family and we asked the waitress for the bill and told her, “Don’t tell them who did it but, you know, just say Merry Christmas.” So that’s something that you can do as a random act of kindness and I want you to give me some random acts of kindness that you think of, that you have done, or that you’ve thought of doing, or just something that you think people would benefit from.

So I’ll give you the first one that I thought of: give a stranger a compliment. You know, you don’t know what people are feeling, what people are thinking, but think about this: when someone gives you a compliment and let’s say it’s a person that you don’t even know, what happens? What happens? You get a feeling, a good feeling, number one, and it puts a smile on your face. So think about that. You can put a smile on someone’s face even if you don’t know that person or even if you do know the person because you can always find something to compliment a person on no matter what. “Oh, I love that hat you have on. I love that scarf you have on.” Just excuse whatever. “Oh, if they wear glasses, you know, I really like those eyeglass frames, they really complement your face.” You’re going to get a smile. You don’t know how that can impact a person.

The second one was something that I said we did and someone did this for my husband, which was paid for someone’s meal at a restaurant. It can be one person, it could be a family. What the heck, if you think about all the blessings that you have had through the year, if you drink Starbucks and you know how much Starbucks coffee costs and how many have you drank through the years, if you add that up you probably would be shocked. But Dunkin’ Donuts, whatever, wherever you get your coffee, wherever you go out to eat, pay for someone else’s meal. You know that’s going to put a shock and a smile on their face, number one, and number two, more than likely they will pay it forward.

Another act of kindness I thought of was if you see a senior struggling with groceries. Now I saw this actually, it wasn’t, you know, my own idea because I saw it, it was a commercial on TV. Of course, you know, you would have to approach them so that it doesn’t seem like you’re being aggressive or anything, but if you see them struggling, offer to help. You know, stand back so you’re not up on them and just offer, you know, “Do you need help?” Now some of them will say no, you know, if they say no then it’s a no and just say, “Well, I thought I would help you, I thought I would assist you, you know, because I saw that you are struggling, but you know, have a good day,” call it a day because I know people are kind of like skittish now because everything is going on.

Also, you know, there are a lot of, I guess, senior citizen homes, retirement homes. I know it’d be difficult now but in the future when we can go into senior citizens’ homes, and when I say homes, I mean group homes, and give them a little concert. Now some of us might say, “Oh, I can’t sing or I don’t play an instrument or whatever.” You can even go in and just read a story, read a good poem, read some jokes. If you’re not a comedian yourself, read some jokes or a sing-along of, you know, just that’s something that not only will make you feel good but imagine the seniors, the senior citizens that are in these senior citizens’ buildings and group homes and apartment buildings and so on. And I remember when my mom was at a senior citizens’ building and they would look forward to people coming in and she would say, “Oh, there’s this group that’s coming in and they’re going to be singing to us,” or “There’s a group that’s coming in and they’re going to demonstrate this.” And so think about that. I know right now, of course, with COVID we can’t do it but in the future, think about it.

Hi Maxine, and Maxine says, as you know, I volunteer at a food pantry. My freezer is full so sometimes we have to bring food home to keep our numbers up. I give them to my neighbors. They are so thankful, they are so thankful and of course, it also helps her with her grocery shop. So there’s a twofold benefit from that. So if you, there are food pantries all over and I know they all need volunteers and just think, even if you’re getting the food and like she said, they have to keep their numbers up, but the fact that she brings the food home that she has to bring home but that she gives them to her neighbors. So yes, thank you, thank you Maxine.

Also, I know we still go out to restaurants. What about leaving your waiter or your waitress a generous tip, a generous tip? Think of how hard they work. Maxine and I are workout buddies and friends and we have a particular waitress who we love because she, that she says her name, our Lupe, her name is Lupe. Lupe is the type of waitress and we tell her all the time that she spoiled us because we can be drinking coffee and it might go down just a little bit and Lupe is right there, “We give you some more coffee,” and she’ll watch us and sometimes we’ll get so involved in our conversations that, at least me anyway, I’ll be talking so much and she’ll come around, she says, “I know your coffee’s cold,” and so then she takes that cup and she gives me a fresh cup. And I’ve told her, “You have spoiled me because when I go out to another restaurant, I’m looking for the same thing.” And I mean she is so diligent, not with just us but we watch her with other people in the restaurant who she’s taken care of and I mean, we love Lupe, we love Lupe. And from time to time, we give them a little something extra and for Lupe for Christmas, we gave her something big extra and the smile that was on her face because we have a relationship with her and we know what’s going on with the home life and everything. So think about that.

Another one is pay for someone’s dry cleaning. So you can ask the owner, now I know a lot of times because I know my dry cleaning sometimes will be like a bit much if I take a whole lot at the same time, but you can ask the proprietor, “You know, I want to pay someone’s dry cleaning,” and maybe you have a particular amount and then you make sure that of course that they notate that so that that person, just think about it, if you put something in a dry cleaning and you go to pay for it and they say, “Oh, it’s already been paid for,” you probably said, “What? Well, no, I didn’t prepay,” and they tell you, “But no, someone paid for your dry cleaning.” Think about that. I get a smile.

Pay for someone’s morning coffee. Maybe that person is standing in line next to you and you see that they have coffee, pay for it. One of the things that I used to do from time to time because someone did it for me was that when they had people at the toll booth and you pull up to pay your toll and they say, “Oh, that’s already been paid for,” you go, “What?” and then say, “Okay, well I’ll pay for the person behind me.” Put a smile on my face, don’t put a smile on their face.

Now I see something here but I don’t know what it is so and I can’t pronounce the name so if would you explain your last name is Zhso, would you explain what it is that you put into the chats because I’m not really familiar with that please, thank you.

Let’s see, something else came in. In your lifetime, so this means audience, I see quite a few of you out there, in your lifetime who stands out as showing the most kindness to you? Put it in the chat.

Sandy Barnes and it says, “I love paying it forward.” Sandy, give us just an example of how you paid it forward. Thank you, Sandy. Let’s see who else. I’m getting some comments from a lot of different places. Let’s see, oh okay, Anis says, “Give extra tips to waitress, waiters at restaurants more than expected.” Yes.

And Dominique Rivera says, “I love coffee, I feel it connects us.” Oh, Anis also said, “Tell your cashiers at the registers how much you appreciate them,” because she does. Oh wow, I never thought of that, Anis, thank you. Oh, Anis said, “Shovel your neighbor’s snow.” That’s not a lot of snow but that’s me, but that’s great, that’s great. Shovel your neighbor’s snow and in the springtime, if you do your own lawn, just go right on to the next person and do their lawn. Or if you have someone who does your lawn and you see a neighbor maybe across the street or down the street and their grass is high, then ask your lawn person, “How much would you charge to cut this person’s lawn?” and pay for it, have them cut that lawn. It’s all kinds of ways.

Gwendolyn Dunbar, hi Gwen, she says, “A simple smile, a phone call, or compliment can brighten a person’s day. Recently my brother ran into an older lady who was almost in tears because the pace worker refused to help her get her things in the car. He took her home and she literally cried and thanked God for his help.” Wow, wow, that is wonderful, that is wonderful. Thank you, Gwen, for giving me that, that’s wonderful, that’s something that someone else can do.

I’m getting some more in here and I’ll read them as I go along. Oh, and what Maxine said, she and her grandson did that last winter, they shoveled someone’s snow. And then she said, “All to you, Gwen,” because that’s beautiful, that’s beautiful.

I’m trying to think of in your lifetime who stands out showing you the most kindness. Who has? You know, it’s so many people that I can think of that have been kind to me, especially if I said something that didn’t go over well with someone or said something and I regretted saying it and another person came up to me or that person forgave me. I think forgiveness is probably the ultimate act of kindness and I’ll tell you why I think that later.

Sandy Barney in a sense, “I also put Christmas cards in all my neighbors’ mailboxes with small presents attached. This year I put sachet packages in each one.” I love that, Sandy. Oh wow, I love that, my goodness, I love that, I never thought of that.

Okay, and Anis Washington again, who let me tell you about Anis Washington, she is a photographer extraordinaire, extraordinaire. All you have to do to her is say, “I have this coming up and I want to look beautiful or I want to look, you know, something fun,” or and then she’ll suggest, “Okay, well why don’t we do this, why don’t we do that, why don’t we do the other,” and then what happens is your pictures come out and you say, “Wow, wow.” If you go back on my YouTube channel, Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman, you will see she was on my show and you will see what an extraordinary photographer she is. Now anyway, that was a shameless plug for Anis.

So as she is healing from major surgery and I know we all prayed for you, Anis, and our prayers were answered. Anis says, “In my lifetime, the kindest act done for me was a surprise birthday drive-by organized by my sister during COVID-19 last year. It was so touching, it made me cry.” Wow, and this day was great. I was invited, I don’t remember why I couldn’t make it but I remember the pictures behind it and afterwards, so wow, wow, wow.

Okay, so let’s do some more here. Oh, all of us are surrounded by schools and you know there are struggling students. Offer to tutor a struggling student. Now you can do it virtually, you can have them on Zoom, but you can go to that school, to the administrator, and you can ask them, “You know, is there a student that I could tutor?” and I’m sure they’ll give you loads and loads and loads and loads of names because they have loads and loads and loads of students. But that’s something also that you can do, that’s an act of kindness and just think of the effect that you would have on that young person’s life.

Oh, this is a good one: take time to listen to someone. And in some of my presentations, I’ve talked about listening because most of us, we don’t really listen. And why do I say that? Because we listen to respond. We listen to see what is that person saying so I can either answer it or respond some kind of way, give them advice. So when it says take time to listen to someone, really take time to listen, number one, without judgment, number two, without responding, thinking of how you’re going to respond, just listen to what that person has to say. Listen with your ears, listen with your heart, listen with your brains, your mind, listen. Because, and you know what else, listen between the lines of, or yeah, between the words, between the sentences, listen. Because a lot of times when we are not really listening to someone, really listening, there we misunderstand whatever it is that they’re saying and then we respond so quickly. Or listen and don’t turn it back on yourself because if someone is really talking to you and they want you to listen to them, they want you to hear them. So when you, if you’re listening, a lot of times, and I’m guilty too, we’ll have a tendency to, if they say, “Well yeah, I really struggled last week with my health,” and how do we respond sometimes? “Yeah, well you know, I wasn’t feeling so well last week either.” Yeah, that’s not what they want to hear and what it shows is that you’re really not listening to them, you’ve turned it back on yourself. So that’s just an example but think about that whenever someone is really telling you anything, do you turn it back to you? “Oh, I was watching this movie and it really impacted me.” “Oh yeah, well you know, I saw such and such a movie and yeah, it made me feel like such and such.” So take time to listen to someone.

Also, buy groceries for the person either in front of you or even behind you. Now I don’t mean, you know, I mean you can look behind you or in front of you or it’s sometimes it’s difficult to do that but think about what I did one time. It was a woman in front of me, she had two kids and the one son was a big tall strapping boy and she had bought all these different groceries and when they rang it up and then she put her debit card in, it wasn’t enough and she started putting stuff back. And the stuff that she was putting back, I’m like, “Whoa, you can’t put back the bread and the stuff that you’re making sandwiches with,” and putting this back in and I thought, “You know what, I have a son and I know a big tall strapping young man like that needs to eat,” and I just said, “No, no, no, don’t put it, don’t put that back,” and she said, “Well,” I said, “No, no, no, no, don’t, don’t put it back,” and just what I did, I didn’t pay for everything but the stuff that she was putting back, I told the cashier, “Whatever that is, you know, just add that to my bill,” and I mean the way she looked at me, the mom, she just like, “Thank you, thank you, thank you so much,” and the young man looked and his eyes just got big, you know, but so something that you can do.

Oops, let’s see, Maxine says, “I chose a little girl at a church to make her a beautiful Christmas. Her parents are struggling but I love the way they’re raising her.” Wonderful, Maxine, that’s very nice.

Oh, and then Gwen says, “Yes, Gwen,” to what I was talking about as far as listening, “Listen and not judge. You never,” oh, what did my husband say to me every now and then, he says something that’s really great, he said, “You never know,” oh, it has to do with church, “You never know how far people had to come to get here.” So think about what that means, it doesn’t mean distance, so you think about that.

Now earlier I said, what did I say, well anyway, I forgot what I said. After all, you know, when you get to be a certain age, you can have a little brain fog, I guess I need to take some preparation. But anyway, the one act of kindness, be kind to your, oh, I know what I talked about, I said forgiveness, forgiveness, I remembered. Be kind to yourself, be kind to yourself and that means that self-talk that we sometimes do, “Oh, I’m so stupid, oh, why did I, how did I misplace that, oh God, I wasn’t thinking, oh this.” Be kind to yourself and forgiveness comes in with that because who is forgiveness for? It’s not for that person that you felt, you know, did you wrong or whatever, it’s not for that person, it’s for you. Be kind to yourself. When I said that’s the ultimate kindness, that is the ultimate kindness as far as you are concerned. Be kind to yourself. We’ve all made mistakes, we’ve all done things that we just, getting some more in here, amen, Laurie said, we’ve all done things that we regret, we’ve all said things that, “Oh God, how did that come out of my mouth?” As long as we live, people are going to either say things or do things to you that have to be forgiven. It can be something huge or it can be something small but don’t go through life or even a period of time with that here and with that here. Be kind to yourself, forgive. It’s not easy, I’m working on that myself. Some of you know me out there know what I’m working on and it’s not that you’ll forget it, forget it, but you have to forgive it because this person, as far as my own personal journey is concerned, I know that that person not thinking at all about what they did and how it affected me, so they’re tripping wrong somewhere but I’m working on it but I’m trying to be kind to myself.

Now what else did I see? What has been the greatest kindness towards someone that you have witnessed? Maybe that you haven’t done but you witnessed someone else do, so think about that. I’m trying to think of it myself. Okay, people, while I’m thinking, I’m looking for, let’s see, oh, Laurie says something that I had said previously, “Lessons learned and fixed them along the way.” Yes, Laurie, definitely, definitely, yes.

So I’m thinking, what I have witnessed that I thought, “Oh wow, that was really kind of them to do that.” You know, I didn’t witness this personally but I’ve seen where someone has taken a coat off of themselves and given it to someone who needed a coat, like a homeless person. I’ve seen acts of kindness that I’ve witnessed myself where this young guy, now I did witness this, where this young guy was collecting toiletries for homeless people and every year he would do this, so that I have seen. And the same young man, he found out how you could buy trailer homes, you know, for little or nothing and he would do like a fundraiser to pay for a trailer home and then he would go out, he would solicit like, you know, furniture, like people who, you know, we all have furniture that, you know, we like, “I don’t like this anymore, I need to get rid of it,” or something like that and he would furnish these trailer homes and then he would give them to veterans. And to me, that was, I mean like veterans, like homeless veterans, so that meant that they could live in this paid-for home and he, you know, he would put it on social media and it would show you how the homes were coming along and people would donate and in the end, he had to find someplace to store furniture and stuff so that, you know, so yes, so that’s what I’ve seen.

Maxine says, “Buy gas for a person’s car even if it’s only ten dollars.” Yeah, yeah, you could be standing in line and somebody behind you, you know, in the gas line and then you say, they don’t even have to know it, and you say, “Okay, this is just my idea of how to do it, okay, so my gas is twenty dollars or thirty-four dollars, whatever it is, it’s a nice thirty-four dollars, okay, so this is the extra ten dollars, I’m paying for that person behind me.” Great, great, great, Maxine, great, great, great, great, great.

Let’s see who else, Laurie Whitney says, “A new beginning.” Yes, Laurie, it gives people new beginnings. Let’s see, this Christmas, isn’t something else that came, this Christmas season we celebrate someone who has shown us the greatest kindness of all in the person of Jesus Christ. Yes, yes, yes, yes, for the forgiveness of our sins and to know that he’s coming soon. I don’t know when, you don’t know when, but these are for the Christians out there, I know some of my audience, they’re not, but I am and I do believe he is coming and I’m just thankful he forgives me. I’m saying, don’t mean that I can just sing because I know he’s going to forgive me, but the fact that you think about it, think about this, when I’m talking about forgiveness, if he can forgive us for what happened to him, or we can forgive the little stuff compared to that, what happens to us.

As Maxine says, “Yes, he is the reason for the season,” and I think a lot of us forget about that because we start thinking about buying gifts and going to the mall and presents and what people are going to give me and what am I going to give everybody else and we forget about that, that think about it, why are we giving gifts, not just because it’s Christmas, so to speak, but the gift of giving.

Let’s see, I have some quotes here, one of them is, “Kindness makes you the most beautiful person in the world no matter what you look like.” I like that, I like that. Another one is, let’s see who said that again, another one is, Laurie says, “I have 15 helpless homeless feline critters in need of help for Christmas.” Oh, feline critters, I’m smiling because we have a cat, it lives in my house, that’s all I can say, it’s not really, it was my cat but she decided that I’m not her person and my husband is a person. You need a cat, Laurie. Anyway, Laurie also says, “I sometimes get C-R-S, can’t remember stuff.” Hello, senior moments. Oh, okay, Laurie, I’m like C.I.S, what, okay, I know now. And then Laurie says, “Yes, she does, she is celebrating Jesus.”

Huh, another quote is, “Kindness is always fashionable and always welcome.” Do you have a favorite quote? If you do, send it to me. Also, “Kindness and politeness are not overrated.” Going back to what I said about being kind to yourself, someone else sent in, “I’ve been searching for ways to heal myself and I found that kindness is the best way.” Alrighty now, alrighty now.

I want to ask all of you out there, what are you going to do for someone else in 2022? What are you going to do for someone else? What act of kindness are you going to do for someone else? The same things that you’ve done, which they’re all wonderful, but something different or something to someone different, that gives us something to think about. What do you think? I think, you know what I’m going to do, oh dear, I think I’m going to find out when my next-door neighbor’s birthday is and give her a happy birthday gift. I’ve never done it and hopefully, it will put a smile on her face because I know she takes care of her dad and I think I’ll do that, I think I’ll do that.

Well, we’re around, I’m not getting anything from people about what you’re going to do. What are you going to do different? What act of kindness are you going to do? Actually, you don’t have to wait till 2022, we still have quite a few days left before the end of the year. So if you haven’t done an act of kindness here lately, I know all of you who are on here are doing acts of kindness and Sandy, girl, I wish I had thought about that, oh my goodness. But anyway, about putting a Christmas card in everybody’s box with a little something in it. Oh, another act of kindness that I know I’ve gotten and Maxine gets, we have a friend who periodically sends us a card and it’s like a little inspirational card, a greeting card or motivational greeting card and she puts a tea bag in it, you know, in other words, have a cup of tea, have a cup and it’s always some kind of relaxing tea, have a cup of relaxing tea on me. Yeah, yeah, we love it, we love it.

Well, it’s about that time, this is my Christmas show. I hope and pray that everyone has a wonderful, joyous Christmas and remember the reason for the season and hopefully some of us can, some of you can, you know, be around your family but if not and if you play any safe, but just have a joyous, wonderful Christmas. And if I don’t see, which I won’t see you, I won’t see you before New Year’s, next week I will have an encore show and I haven’t chosen it yet but one of my most popular shows, I will do an encore show and then I will be back live the first Thursday in 2020, a new look. And I want to thank all of you for this year of tuning in and supporting me, I really, really, really appreciate it because I consider that an act of kindness.

So from me and my family, from my husband Keith, you know what, Keith, you could come and say, he doesn’t want to come on, come on, just lean your face next to me.

Keith Fortman
Merry Christmas everyone, happy New Year.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Merry Christmas, happy New Year from Keith Fortman, Janice Fortman, and my son Kevin. Bye bye, bye bye, and I hope that again we want Jill to heal and get well. Alrighty, thank you all, bye bye. Oh, I forgot to say this, remember relationships matter, every relationship matters. Bye [Music]