Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
[Music] do [Music] and I am so happy that your relationship with your daughter has [Music] improved [Music] well hello everyone good morning good afternoon evening wherever you are in the world it’s Dr. Janice Fortman with Relationship Matters. Well, last Sunday was Mother’s Day, but I’m here to celebrate Mother’s Day week. As a matter of fact, I think every day in the year should be Mother’s Day. Today we are going to talk about another extremely important relationship in our lives, the relationship between mothers and sons. Now, I think I’m a little bit of an expert at this because I am the mother of a son, and I’m going to bring to you another mother who raised her son. As a matter of fact, I raised my son primarily by myself, and so I’m going to bring you another mother who has raised her son, and hopefully our sons will join. I’m also going to bring you a son who’s going to talk about healing the relationship with his mom. So what I want to do now is bring to you my first guest, and my first guest is Jeanette Ramos. Hi Jeanette.

Jeanette Ramos
Hi Dr. Jan, how are you?

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
I’m doing great, how are you?

Jeanette Ramos
I’m doing well, thank you again for having me on your show tonight. It’s an honor to be here.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Oh, well thank you for being my guest. So let me tell you all a little bit about Jeanette. She is the proud single mother of two sons. She is an author, a public figure, a model—you can tell she’s a model by how beautiful she is.

Jeanette Ramos
Oh, thank you.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
She’s an actress, a fitness instructor, and a motivational speaker. And Jeanette has been in the field of social service for over 23 years, and she currently specializes in the safety and protection of children. She is an advocate for children who’ve been abused or neglected. She is passionate, she’s hard-working, and she provides for her children like we all moms do. She works towards helping families and children in her community. She’s also a best-selling author of the book entitled “Where’s Mom?” and Jeanette is a board member at the Cam Care Health Corporation, and she’s been giving her time there for 15 years. Wow, Jeanette.

Jeanette Ramos
Thank you, Dr. Jen, that was a great introduction. So now tell me, you have two sons. Tell me about your two sons. How old are they?

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Okay, Dr. Jan, and hello to my firstborn who is not here, Louis. He is 29 years old, and he is a police officer and owns his own trucking business. My second son is Daniel, who has his “Weekly Dose of Daniel” show on the E360 television network, and he is 24 years of age, and he is also just became the associate producer for the E360 television networks. Really proud, I’m proud of myself.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Wow, congratulations to Daniel. You know, when I grow up, I want to be just like him.

Jeanette Ramos
We always want to be like someone else, isn’t that interesting?

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Right, right. So now we want to talk about the importance of the relationship between mothers and sons. So tell me about raising them. Just give me a, you know, just a quick—well, it doesn’t have to be quick—but just, you know, what was it like raising two sons, especially on your own?

Jeanette Ramos
That’s a great question, Dr. Jen. And you have to understand that the responses I’m going to give you may sound biased because I have two sons. I never had daughters, so I can only speak about the relationships of having sons. I had my sons growing up as a single parent. They were good kids. They never gave me any problems for the most part. They were good in school, they played sports, they didn’t stay out late when they became teenagers, they didn’t do drugs, they didn’t end up in gangs, they didn’t do a lot of things that most mothers and fathers hope that children don’t do when they’re growing up. I don’t know them to have had any types of peer pressure, but if they did, they learned how to handle that, and I believe that that was based off of having the support and love and direction of a parent. I speak as a mother, as a single mother in this particular scenario. However, you do have fathers out there who do provide and are providing the roles of a single parent, so that pertains to them as well. But as far as raising two sons, although they say it’s tougher to raise boys, I think nowadays it may be tougher to raise girls. I was in a position that I was able to raise them, and for the most part, they didn’t give me any problems. But again, that goes back to the type of parent that you are. When you’re the type of parent that you provide for your children and you’re there, and you make their business your business, which means you’re in everything that they’re doing, it doesn’t give them enough time to go out and do things to get into that type of mischief, if you will, because they know that their mom is on the other end spying, looking, ensuring that they’re following in the right direction. So in terms of raising them, it was easy raising them. However, in the situation of raising them as a single mother in a poor environment, if you will, not having the best of things, sometimes not having enough money to buy clothes or food, I made it work. So again, it’s not really about the environment, but rather what it is you’re doing behind the scenes, behind the doors, to ensure that your children are there, you’re there with your children. And it goes back to how, as parents, we should be with our children regardless of what age they are. You have to be present in their lives. There’s a quote in the book that goes, “Children need your presence, P-R-E-S-E-N-C-E, versus presents, E-N-T-S,” because that’s what they’ll remember from you. That’s what they’ll get out of your experience as raising your children. So that’s it in a nutshell, Dr. Jan.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Okay, all right. Now, you said in their business, once they became teenagers, was it a little bit more difficult? And also, there’s a saying that mothers raise their daughters and love their sons. So tell me, they were teenagers, did it get a little difficult?

Jeanette Ramos
It does get a little difficult because with the adolescence comes the hormones and comes all the back talk, and it comes with, “We were never single or young as mothers or fathers. We weren’t their age.” So there would be times that they would say things like, “I wouldn’t understand,” or “I wasn’t hip enough, cool enough to be around them because I didn’t know what they were going through.” But again, having been young and having been in their shoes, I knew what they were going through. And it just, it does get difficult, but the advice I give any parent, whether it’s a mother, single mother, or a single father, is to stick with it. Be, what’s the word I’m looking for, be strict, not in the strict sense, but be consistent with your decision-making. So if you say, for example, “You’re not going out with John today because I don’t like him,” or “He’s a little too liberal for me,” or “He’s doing things that I don’t find comfortable,” then stick with that decision. If it’s a no, it’s a no, whether they get upset with you or not. The bottom line is they’ll understand it as they grow older, and they’ll appreciate you for sticking to your guns and to being consistent, because as children, that’s what they need is consistency in their lives. And again, it’s about being there in their lives, because if you’re not going to be there because you’re working all the time, or you don’t care, or you have other priorities, a spouse or a boyfriend, or, you know, again, having children is a sacrifice. So with that sacrifice comes that consistency, comes that time. So to answer your question, it gets harder as they become teenagers. However, it’s about you standing firm in your decision, because as a single parent or a double-parent household or single father, you know, you have a child, so it stops becoming about you thereafter. It’s about them until they grow older, and they find their ways, and usually they will in a positive direction. But again, it starts in the home, and it starts in, you know, that direction that you, as the parent, as their parent, you know, provides them.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
So now, what about girlfriends? I mean, what happened?

Jeanette Ramos
Well, I just want to say that with girlfriends, I was the type of parent that I allowed, if one of my sons, which of course has started with my oldest, he found a friend, and the main thing about girlfriend or friend is getting to know that person and that person’s family, you know, their parents, and not making the situation awkward, not accepting it to the, accepting it, yes, but kind of monitoring and following that. And in the event, of course, he’s no longer with that girlfriend because that was what they would call, what, first love as a child, you know, just following him, ensuring that he’s okay if and when that relationship didn’t work. In this case, it didn’t work because, again, they were both young. But I just allowed it to happen because we’re human, and to try to turn somebody’s emotions off, whether it’s a male or a female, son or daughter, is irrelevant. They’re growing, they have their hormones, they’re finding themselves, they’re figuring out what it is that they want to do, or these feelings and what to do with these feelings. So as parents, it’s important to embrace that and hone it in so that you’re able to help them help themselves and give them that direction where they’ll find that clear guidance. So again, it’s your role as a mother or a father to ensure that they get there because it’s confusing. Who’s not confused as a teenager when they think they like somebody and they don’t know what to do with those emotions? Who better than your mother or your father to talk to? You don’t want to talk to your peers, they’re going to send you in the wrong direction most of the time. So as parents, we need open and honest, and it starts with that communication. So yes, to answer your question, it does get difficult, but consistency is the key and being there for your children because there’s nothing in the world that you can’t do for your children that there isn’t a solution to. And that’s what our children need to hear. Everything’s going to be okay. You’ll be 14 one day, but then you’re going to be 21, or you’ll be 12, and then you’re going to be 30, and you’ll look back at that and say, “Wow, it was nice that my mom was able to help me through this situation. She didn’t turn her back, she didn’t judge me, she didn’t say I was too young.” I mean, of course, you set guidelines and you monitor, but that’s what a parent does. You monitor what your child does, again, whether they’re 2, 14, or 16, because they’re still minors. So you want to make sure that they’re going in the right direction.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Well, I see someone on here now, and that’s Daniel. Hi, Daniel.

Daniel
Dr. Jen, you had—how you doing today? You got to give me some kind of intro. I was adjusting my hat, trying to look all pretty, and you just brought me up. [Laughter]

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Oh, you look great. Now, Daniel, that is Jeanette’s son. So, you know, let me ask you a question. I’m Olivia. Is she still in? Yeah, okay. So now, you’re single, right?

Daniel
Yes.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Are you single? Okay, so does your mom talk to you about your girlfriends?

Daniel
All right, so first and foremost, before I answer this question, I just want to say thank you, Dr. Jan, for the opportunity for today. No, yes, yes and no. I mean, it—yes and no. This is a very hard question. I kind of like to keep that life private for my mother, but I was in a way to know—I know how to decipher the good girls from the bad girls, to put it lightly. So, I mean, I’ll tell her, “Hey, listen, you know, there’s somebody that I just met. Yeah, I think she’s a real cool person. You might see her around. If not, then that’s the end of it.” But, you know, I don’t go too far into detail, and I don’t really bring women around my mother anyways. If I bring you around my mother, that’s how you know that there’s something serious going on and that you’re worthy to be inside of this relationship.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Oh, okay. All right. Isn’t that wonderful? Isn’t that wonderful? And I’m going to bring someone else on here. That’s Kevin now. Hello, Kevin.

Kevin
Hi, Kevin. Now, Kevin is my son. All right, Kevin, now you have to remember that I am your mom, and I can mute you at any time. [Laughter]

Kevin
The book is coming out on the 22nd, and what’s the book? Okay, so now I’m going to ask both of you sons, what have you learned from your mom that you keep with you at all times? What is the most precious advice or something that she has given you that you really carry, you know, to this day?

Daniel
Beauty. You say I told him beauty before age. Thank you, thank you. I really do appreciate that. But we all know that if that were the case, you will be gone. So I think the number one thing that I carry with me everywhere is misery loves company. You can see when a woman is going through some heart changes and hard, you know, times in her life, and I don’t want to be around that because if I have to bring my, you know, vibrational energy, my energy down to that level, it’s probably not for me. Watching my mother be a strong, super strong, independent woman, that’s kind of the energy that I’m looking for, somebody who’s able to hold their own. You know, they don’t really have to rely on me because there’s things that I have to do throughout my day that, you know, I really can’t be, you know, babysitting somebody. When you’re in a relationship, you’re out there to build each other up, and when you don’t have that within yourself, I’m just kind of like, if one person’s carrying all the weight, then that’s not that I want to go into.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Okay, all righty. And what about you, Kevin?

Kevin
Well, I would say what I really remember, one thing that lasts, that stands out, is not to give up. I could say I see, like, I don’t know, women have to kind of be on my mother’s level, you know. They have to own something, have a car. I wanted to let home with their parents, you know, doing something for themselves. And like, as you say, try to build. You can learn a lot, I guess, about women from your mother. Well, I don’t know about 2021 because the women have changed drastically, but you know, but you still want a woman who’s kind of like your mother, not in all ways, but just kind of like, hey, Carol, it’s kind of like my, it’s kind of like your mother, you know, and that’s how I see that. So I’m one of the people, my mother was the same way, and I guess I got it from her. First time some garbage comes in, you just cut the cord and keep going and don’t look back. So that’s something that I’ve learned from her. So, Daniel and Kevin, have your mothers ever embarrassed you?

Daniel
I think we all know the question. We all know the answer to that one already.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Tell me, tell me about it.

Daniel
You know, I’m surprised. I remember with my first relationship ever, the baby pictures, you know, I’m pretty sure, I don’t know if Kevin’s ever, and showing your first true love, you’re like, get away from me. Like, I don’t, I don’t, why are you exposing me like that? Like, that’s a side that I haven’t even, like, built up that, and I haven’t even seen half these pictures, and you’re going to expose me like that. So yeah, I mean, not to the extent of like, you know, like arguing with me in the middle of like somebody or nothing extreme like that, but like a funny kind of embarrassment.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
And what about you, Kevin? I mean, you sure you won’t kill this embarrassing moment? I mean, you’re the one that’s embarrassed, not me.

Kevin
They probably would. Okay, this one here, I don’t know. Okay, it’s late night, like, I can tell this story. Whoa, once upon a time, young Kevin was in high school, right? And his mother was a teacher. So, you know, with the teacher thing going on, you know, you know what time your mother goes and comes, and she works way out. That one particular day, she’s not going to be home. Hey, friend, my girlfriend, you want to come over? And yes, so I don’t know why my mother decided to come home that day, but I was in my little room playing Nintendo. Nintendo, yeah, there you go, playing Nintendo. And told the girl, you don’t, you get up and get dressed. I’m a woman, I’ve seen plenty of naked women bodies. You ain’t got nothing different. And all I could do was just, yeah, and I tried to get my, I tried to get mad at my mother for her busting me in the house, but that was very impressive. She broke up with me. I really liked her. She broke up with me, you know, never wanted to see me again. I guess she was embarrassed too. Oh, we both won’t get married. Yeah, and then I didn’t know, and then I got a punishment because my argument was, is that I’m almost grown. So why, why, why is it a problem with me having somebody over in your house where you pay the bills? Yes, I was on punishment and I was really embarrassed. And then of course, word got out to my friends that, that on the block. So they used to come play in front of my house purposely just to rub it in. Yeah.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Oh, wow. Oh, well, yeah. Okay. So, well, I didn’t know you were going to tell that one. Wow.

Kevin
Yeah, I don’t, I didn’t have it yet. Bring nobody around you. So, um, Daniel and Kevin, have you ever, uh, had to defend your mother’s, uh, you know, like, I guess a personal attack, like, you know, somebody, you know, decide they want to talk bad about your mother or said, or your mama joke?

Daniel
No, I mean, I get all the time. Yeah, I would say that I get all the time that everybody says, you know, my mom is beautiful and stuff like that, but I, I just brushed that stuff off. There was actually that time in, uh, well, you remember this, um, my 21st birthday when we were in AC and, you know, it, me and my brother, you know, my brother is more of that type to be like, yo man, like, what are you doing? Like, you need to back up. Um, we were in HD and, you know, we were clubbing and my mom came with me out for that day or for that night. And in the middle of the dance floor, like, um, you know, somebody comes up to my mom is trying to talk to her. So then, you know, my brother was like, yo man, you need to back up right now. But in my opinion, I just see it like, Maya, you’re a grown woman. You’re going to do what you’re going to do. But, you know, if somebody disrespects you and that’s a different story, but I would say my brother is definitely more the protective type. I’m just like, mom, you know, you know what you want, you know what you like, you, you raised us for so long. Now it’s your time and enjoy yourself.

Jeanette Ramos
And Jan, can I add to that? Because I’ve always been, and this is just me as, as an individual, as a mother, I’ve been the type of woman that I made sure I didn’t put myself in those situations. So my children wouldn’t have to be in those roles because what happens is sometimes as mothers or, you know, you want to be in a relationship or, um, for some reason you want to be argumentative or something’s not going right in your life and you just want to argue or, or, you know, have these conversations with adults that could end up in, you know, your sons having to defend you. So in my position, I tried to avoid those things so that we weren’t in that situation. If you get what I’m saying, I, I wanted to protect my sons. I never wanted them to protect me because again, it was my role as far as I’m concerned to protect them. I didn’t want them protecting me, although I get the, I get the roles, I get what they are, but I was always one step ahead of them and didn’t put them in that situation to protect them so that they wouldn’t have to protect me.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Okay, right. Okay. What about you, Kevin?

Kevin
Well, another story. I was actually in high school. Well, with my friends that I grew up with, it wasn’t nothing because we, we, yo mama each other all day, all night. That was just the thing with us, you know, and you know, that was just some fun. But I was in high school. Uh, I’m sure you probably remember this. Uh, it was a teacher in there and he said something slick to me about my mother. And that’s what I’m going to, you got to explain that you got to suspend it from school. Yeah. But he said something real quick about my mama. I wasn’t trying to go. So it was, it was wartime. The end, it was on and popping. But with my friends, yeah, it’s cool. We, we, we in our 40s, we still talk about each other. So, you know, and I mean, I don’t know if you remember this mom, I think me and June used to have this thing going where we would like, I would be on the phone with you and I’ll try to get my best friend to say something about you so you can hear it or why I could say something slick while his mother standing. But they don’t, but even our parents know it’s all fun and games, you know, so.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Okay. All right. Well, yeah.

Jeanette Ramos
Yeah, I was just going to say, what about us in terms of protecting our kids? Was there ever a situation for you where you had to go and show face for your son and, and, you know, get him out of the situation or protect him from something or something?

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Oh my God. How many do you want me to name? Okay. All right. So that’s a lot about you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, uh, I don’t know that I’m overprotective, but, but you know, like most moms, um, um, I would say I am protective. Uh, he hasn’t really gotten into any things, uh, that I had to, so, so to speak, protect him from. I’ve had to run interference for a few things. And, uh, but now that he’s older, um, I don’t really have to do that anymore. But look what I, I’ve got to go to a quick commercial. And when we come back, I want to bring someone else in and, and we’re going to talk about healing when you have challenges in that mother-son relationship, how you go about healing that relationship. And I think that’s something that, uh, he’s an expert. I know that there’s something that he’s an expert at. And so let me go to a quick commercial. We’ll be right back and coming back with my next guest. So we will be right back.

Daniel
That was cool. That was a quick commercial.

Kevin
That was real quick.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Yeah. Well, you know what, Dan, you understand these things, don’t you?

Daniel
Yeah. Yeah. That was quick.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Okay. No, we’ll be right back. [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Music] Hi, we are back and I want to bring to you my next guest. Hey, how you doing?

Farron Dozier
Hello.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Hi Farron, how are you?

Farron Dozier
I’m great. How are you today?

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
I’m great. I’m great. Uh, this is Farron Dozier and let me tell you a little bit about Farron. Farron is an international speaker. He’s a national and international speaker for sickle cell, sickle cell trait, sickle cell disease. He is a retired army veteran and he also is an advocate for veteran suicide awareness. It’s so much here to read. Now let me tell you, he is a radio TV broadcasting internet host and it’s so much. I have so much here. He’s a sickle cell training advocate. He’s an arthritis advocate. I need to know about that because I really got some right and it’s something and it’s called rattle myolysis. Yeah. Advocate. What is that?

Farron Dozier
So rhabdomyolysis is a skeletal muscular disorder, which I experienced in the military with my sickle cell trait. So it’s called sickle cell trait exertion with rhabdomyolysis and people have died from it from over exerting themselves during exercises. And so I collapsed in the military and that was part of my reason for my medical retirement.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Oh, I see. I see. Farron, I want you to tell us about your journey as far as the relationship that you have with your mom and your journey of healing that relationship.

Farron Dozier
First off, mom, I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. And I always did, but there was something in the way the Bible calls them strongholds, wedges, I call them. And even in Ephesians chapter 2, it talks about honoring your father and mother that you may have long life, which is one of the first promises with that was in the commandment. And so for myself, it was very subtle. And these experiences I’m going to share with you, they weren’t really traumatic, but when you understand the life of a child in the development of the brain, you could see how these things happen very subtle. And so life of an eight-year-old is my inspirational read that I’ve written that I share about how I hear with my mom at age eight. So I was born 1970. My mom and my parents were not married. However, my mom took care of me and my grandparents offered to watch me while she got a job. So instead of them, her driving me and dropping me off every morning, my grandparents allowed me to stay with them. And so they raised me up until I was eight years old. In my mind, I did have a relationship with my mother, but there was something that had me more attached to my grandmother, obviously, because I lived with them. So I’m calling my grandmother mama and my mother mommy because at somehow I knew the difference, but I always wanted to spend time with my grandmother because that’s where I was growing up at. So when my mother got married in 1978, my stepfather, they had a conversation and so they came and got me from my grandparents. Now, of course, you would imagine that’s what family will do. We want to be a family. And so they picked me up and they brought me to the apartment with my baby sister. And I had this story in my mind that floated around my whole life like it happened yesterday. And it was very subtle. So it was one morning I was on my way to school and I’m standing at the front door of the apartment and she’s giving me instructions. When you come home, lock the door, don’t go outside, don’t answer the phone, don’t turn the oven on, all those don’ts. And as I’m standing there, I felt this heartbreaking body sensation. And then my brain fired off with, “Why are you leaving me?” Like I could have stayed at my grandmother’s house. Like what’s going on? Oh, I can’t trust you. Like, and I got to be responsible because I got this key around my neck. And so I walk off to school, nothing of it, you know, you wouldn’t think anything of it, right? So in 1978, there was an era called the latchkey kid. So I was one of those children where I had to walk home from school, let myself in the apartment, wait till my parents got home, not turn on the oven or anything like that. So as I grew up, not knowing none of this, I started to have these things with my mom. You know, like I said, I love there, but there was just something in the way and I could not put my finger on it, but I love my mom. That played out in my relationship with women because I started to sabotage relationships. And in the back of my mind, I would always think like, I get close to this girl, but then she’s going to leave me, right? And then so my mind goes to play these things. I get this body sensation, this pain that I don’t want to feel. So what I do was I go find somebody else. And that was how my relationships went up until recently. I’m just releasing a divorce and that was still part of the impact of my healing process. But I didn’t know that there was anything in the way. I couldn’t tell you that, “Oh, I had an issue with my mother.” You know, we point those things out sometimes, “Oh, you got mama issues, you got daddy issues.” Those are real conversations in life. And sometimes we don’t know how to unravel those. But at age 40, I was in the landmark form and I was in that course because my life was over. I was just retiring from the military and I was just like ready to commit suicide. It was over. And so a friend introduced me to this education. So I go there and I’m sitting in one of the conversations and it’s about the vicious circle and the distinction separates what happened and what you made it mean. And so I started to unravel parts of my life in this conversation of what happened to me, but what my mind made it mean. And then when those two worlds collapsed, then you start to look for the evidence. Well, this happened because of this and this happened because of this. And so as I start unraveling those episodes from my military career coming to an end to my relationship with my dad that came, that I discovered was another corrupted idea to my mom. And so that story popped in my head about my mother standing at the front door of that apartment. And so I went through this tools of that education and I saw that I was an eight-year-old and the eight-year-old had no idea what it was to be an adult. And I had no idea that there was these silent traumas, that these emotional things had happened to me because of what I thought. And I had made up in my mind that my mother had abandoned me and I had abandonment issues and I had evidence and you couldn’t tell me that that’s not what had happened to me. But that’s what I had believed since I was eight. So for 32 years, I lived like I was abandoned, like my mom abandoned me and I had, and I couldn’t trust her. Not knowing that the trust that I didn’t have with my mother spread across how my relationships were going to play out. And at age 40, I was able to unravel that and I saw that that eight-year-old kid had made up a story that was not the truth about his mother. And when I called my mom, I was like, “Mom, I got to tell you something.” And at first it didn’t go well because I said, “This is what you did to me.” And she was like, “What? I didn’t do nothing to you.” And so I realized that maybe I didn’t start the conversation off properly. So I went back and I got help on the next time I was able to call my mother and I explained to her, I said, “Mom, thank you. Thank you for teaching me how to tie my shoe. Thank you for teaching me how to walk.” Like I just thanked her for a list of things that I could come up with. And I said, “Oh, and by the way, I made up a story about you that I realized today that wasn’t true.” And so that was how I started to heal. And instead of me being distant and upset and frustrated with my mother, I committed to being a gratitude and acknowledgement and compassionate toward my mother. And by me practicing those ways of being allowed me to start to hear my mom and see my mom in a totally different way, who she really was. And at 19, she had a kid. And when I looked at my life, like, what did I know about life at 19? Nothing. What I know about life at 25? Nothing. What I know about life at 30? Not much. So when I saw all those ways of being, and then I looked in her life and how she grew up, and I was like, “Wow.” Like, you know, well, no wonder. Like, I can’t be mad at that. So that was my process of how I started to unravel my life. Now, there was damage control because I had to then take responsibility for my relationships that have failed and how I was being with people and the cheating that came out of that. And I discovered so much about myself, and I took 100% responsibility because I saw that, again, that drive was driven from an eight-year-old decision. And I’m 40 at the time, and I’m like, “Okay, these two don’t match.” So I had to go back and talk to that little child and let him know that, “Hey, I got you. You’re not abandoned.” That emotional, that feeling of being alone in loneliness, I had to go do work in that because they do feel the same. You know, sometimes we think that we’re lonely and we’re alone, and the body sensations, all that. So I was able to really go to work and heal my perception, my views of my mother, which again, it was like the truth. But what I discovered was it wasn’t really, it wasn’t the truth at all. And then lastly, just last year, I took some cognitive behavior classes through the military. And when we unraveled, he’s like, “What do you want to work on?” I said, “I want to hear with my mother completely.” Like I hit with my dad completely before he passed away. I said, “But I’m ready to hear with my mom completely.” So I put my life story in those curriculums of the cognitive behavior. And one of the questions asked, “Is your story exaggerated?” Right? And I’m like, “Hmm, okay.” So I said, “Okay, let me think. 1978, if I got out of school, it was like 2:20. By the time I walked home and lollygagged and got in the house today, it was three o’clock. Okay, what was on TV? Oh, good times, the Jefferson, Sanford and Son.” So I’m thinking, “Well, that stuff came on like about four to four o’clock, 4:30, five o’clock. So my mom was home by then.” So then I looked like, “Wait a minute.” So I’m like, “You know what? At 50, I realized that it was completely exaggerated story. And I couldn’t wait to call my mom and say, “Mom, I am finally complete with that childhood experience.” And my mom was like, “What? Here we go.” And so my mom is a little defensive still because she’s like, “You always bring this up.” But she doesn’t realize that this is a healing process. And a lot of people deal with this that don’t know how to address it or even articulate it or even know that that could be something that’s in the way. Because our parents are our most important people. Those are our first line of communication is our parents. And there is a natural break that happens between the child and the mother and the child and the father. And if the parents aren’t aware of that breaking communication, then it’s like, “Oh, what’s wrong with Farron? Oh, he’s shy.” Well, he used to be this bright, lively child. And all of a sudden, he doesn’t talk anymore and he’s quiet. Well, what something? But we don’t really know that because sometimes, as adults, life just happens. You got to take care of the family. You got to do all these things. But inclusion and exclusion are some of the things that happen, I say, on the limbic system where emotions are centered. And exclusion, it could be as simple as being on punishment, go to your room, or the child asking you, “Why this? Why that?” And you say, “Because I said so.” And what happens is that child will go away and that child will go in his room and sit down and write his own story about what happened, which now becomes that child’s truth. And then now what you say to that child is no longer true. And then there’s a lack of trust or you don’t care about me or you didn’t do this. And they’re very subtle. They’re not always this traumatic incident. They’re very subtle, silent traumas that we experience. But as we get older, we don’t realize that we start to live through those filters. And then that’s why you meet someone, some woman, and you’re looking for this crave that you felt you didn’t get from your mother, but you did get it, but you don’t think it was there. And now you’re looking at from this woman and she might provide it for you for six months or even two years. But then once that is not there, you feel like, “Oh, shoot. Well, she’s not the one.” And so it’s all these different emotions that we experience as children. And again, at 5, 8, 14, 16, 18, 20, we have no idea what it is to be adults at those ages. And so for me to be able to go through that process, be a very successful man, I have three daughters, very proud, and I love my family. But there was just some strongholds that was in the way, and I took 100% responsibility for those. And it allowed me not to blame my parents for my relationships failing or why my life didn’t turn out. And I believe that if we’re willing to be open and honest with ourselves first, then you could actually have that connection. And no one’s going to really tell you, “I don’t love my parents.” No, we’re going to, of course, you want to look good. Of course, I love my mom. But when you hear, “I love my mom, but they get on my nerve,” ah, what’s that? “I love my mom, but she does this.” Like, you can hear how we talk and describe life. And I just believe that God has allowed me to experience that and be a testimony to share that, “Hey, you know what? If, like the Bible says, when you heal that relation with your parents,” and again, I learned, you know, you’re not going to always love your parents. You’re not going to always like them, but it’s the spirit behind how you think about them. And that’s where it really makes a difference. Because if you think that they don’t care about you, of course, you’ll take care of them. But in the back of your mind, in your subconscious mind, there’ll be this wedge that doesn’t allow for you to experience pure love. And I have been blessed to go through that process and be on the other side of it and now even do that with my own children. Because now I have three daughters and now I got to make those corrections because I was being like my parents was with me. So you either parent how your parenting was or you try to do the opposite, which turns out to be the same because you’re so focused on how you don’t want to be like them and you still end up turning out. So that’s, yeah, really, you know.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Yeah, and I really thank you for sharing that. As parents, it’s sometimes we are so busy, I would say, you know, raising our sons and our daughters, but a lot of times we don’t realize some of the things we say and the perceptions of a kid, of a little kid.

Farron Dozier
Yes.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
You know, and you tickled me. I started laughing when you said that I said so because, you know, that’s what we say. We don’t have to give you a reason. It’s because I said so. But, you know, I have a question here from a viewer and I wanted to get it in and I brought everybody back so they can just kind of answer this question. It’s from Maxine Walker and from a, I guess, from a guy’s point of view, how do you get a 28-year-old male to leave the state and start over? He is a college graduate, but no jobs are coming his way. So in other words, this is someone who’s just kind of a young guy who’s kind of stagnant.

Daniel
Yeah.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
And so I’m going to start with Daniel. How do you get a 28-year-old male to start over?

Daniel
Yes, so this is a very interesting question. I’m going to take it more of like the spiritual side, not really spiritual, but recognizing the science. There was a reason that, you know, you graduated college. Now there’s going to be so many instances in your life that the universe, God, I do believe in a higher power, they’re sending you signs right now. You’ve been doing it for the past two weeks and it’s up to you to really look at every area in your life and to really trust that everything that has happened in your life has led you up to this point. Now, going forward, you need to think about, or what I like to do is I like to think about the end goal, but you can’t have an attachment to how it’s going to happen, how you’re going to get to this new city, how you’re going to start over. You just have to trust that everything is in divine timing and you also have to act within your vibrational frequency. There has to be something that you may not think that you’re not doing right. I mean, if you are a college graduate, but no jobs are coming your way, then you have to reflect on yourself and see every area of your life to see if there’s something that you’re not doing correctly. So what I’m going to say to you is you have to trust that the process is going great and you have to trust that it’s all meant for the plan for you in the end.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Okay, Kevin, what do you think?

Kevin
You’re muted.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
I feel like I’m at work. You know what I would say to him? Well, what I would say, he had to find something that interests him to make him, to give him a reason to want to leave. Pretty much now he’s in his comfort zone, I would believe. And personally, I would think it would have to be something enticing, whether it’s a job, a new life, a new scenery, and it just had to be something enticing to want to go because he’s going to make up his own mind rather what he don’t want to do. It’s probably a, and then there’s probably a reason that he wants to stay in the same state, even if there is no jobs, but he had to learn whatever reason that is, if it ain’t benefiting him to take it to the next level, then it would be time for him to leave.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Okay. And Farron, what do you think?

Farron Dozier
So I got two things. First, I would say to Maxine, as parents, sometimes we don’t pay attention to listen to our children. Like I know you have concerns.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Maxine is the grandmother. She’s a great.

Farron Dozier
Okay. So a lot of times, yeah, that’s the, okay. Yeah. We don’t, we don’t listen to the child. So I put it from the child perspective, you know, you have to see what his concerns are about his life. We as parents and grandparents have a grandson now, we have concerns about their life, but they also have a concern about their own life and sometimes they don’t match. And so we try to force them to do what we think is best for them and not allow that child to say, “Hey, you know what? This is actually what I’m interested in and let me go about that.” So I say to him at 28 years old, man, whatever you went to college for, maybe that you did that because that’s what the family wanted you to do. We’re all born for a reason. You have to look inside yourself and figure out, go back to that childhood dream. Who did you want to be when you grew up? Go back to those dreams and find something that interests you. We’re all born with a purpose, passion, and a gift. And maybe that education that you have could be a doorway to open up for you to have a voice. But then a lot of times our life experiences are really what we need to look at. Sometimes we think that something happened to us as negative, which really can help somebody else telling that story. So you may have a life experience that you grew up in that might be something that you want to talk to people about and you think nobody’s really interested in. Guess what? That could open the door for you to find what that purpose, that passion, that gift is. And as I tell my daughters, then you go to college to support that. But sometimes we go to college or school or military because our family wants us to do these things and they’re really not listening to, again, what we feel as a child. So I think if you want to talk to me, I’m open to help you sort through that. But again, look in your own life for an experience that you think that you could share with the generation behind you and even the generation that you’re currently in that could help save a life or help prevent someone going down that path. And you’ll be more fulfilled in that and maybe not the college degree or maybe then change your education to something that matches what your voice is. And that’s what I’ve done.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Okay. All righty. Very good information. Now, I didn’t want to leave. We only got like a couple of minutes, but Farron has a website and I put it down here. So it’s www.l-i-n-k-t-r.e-e/farrondozier. And you also have a podcast. What’s the name of your podcast?

Farron Dozier
So the Farron Dozier Show is my podcast. Well, it’s the internet. I’m on internet and I’m on AM FM. So I’m on two FM stations in the AM station plus the streaming platforms, iHeartRadio, Spotify. But yeah, that’s my weekly show right now. And I’m actually was asked to be on another show that comes on at five o’clock on KC really called the Revolution Radio Show. So I’m actually going to be on five days a week now starting on Monday and then I’ll just merge my show into that one. So yeah, God is blessing me.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Alrighty. And we also have, let me put it up here. There you go. Oh, what is that? That is a typo. Oh God, let me take this off. Weekly Dose of Daniel and Weekly Dose of Daniel is on E360 TV network. And he is, what are you now? You work as a podcaster like me, but now.

Daniel
So I’m the associate producer of the E360 television network. And here’s my little plaque that I like to look at myself.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Congratulations. Congratulations, Stanley. I, when I, I told your mom earlier, when I grow up, I want to be just like you.

Daniel
I appreciate it.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
And I don’t know what happened to Mr. Kevin Lowe, but Kevin Lowe does my videos and let me find out. So now if you need a video, a promo for your show, then you can reach Kevin at, which I can’t find right now, but I’ll just do mine here. But if you like to advertise on the show with eye-catching videos and increase your visibility, you can contact us at 1-877-667-7325 or jan4now125@gmail.com. And I, and let me, here, here it is. Or you can go to lowsky2lowpan@gmail.com. I want to thank all of you for appearing on the show tonight. It’s been extremely informative. I did a show about how important the relationship between mothers and daughters is, but we can see that the relationship between mothers and sons are equally as important for healing. So, so mothers who are there, who are on, remember, whatever it is you say to your child when they’re eight years old or younger, they form their own perceptions of what you say. And it’s a good idea to ask them, “Mom, what did you mean by that?” You know, and I know as a child, you might not know to say that, but even as a mom, you can explain to your child, “Why am I saying this instead of this?” Because I said so.

Farron Dozier
Yeah, I believe that if you tell the child, if you tell the child now at a younger age, that when they grow up, they’ll have downloaded that truth. And so they won’t have to make up their own story about it, even if it’s something that, and that’s, I think that’s why when divorce happens, the child, they blame themselves because they don’t know what’s going on and they have to pick what parent to live with and they don’t really understand that as an adult. And I think if you really be truthful to the child at those young ages, because that brain is developing and giving meaning to life, even though they’re five or six or two or three. So those, I believe that that’s what, you know, is very important that we just be honest with the children when they’re young. So when they grow up, they have that truth. And that’s very important. Dan, I think you might have missed one more person about their connector, Jeanette.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Okay. Yeah. Oh, you know what, Jeanette, tell me.

Jeanette Ramos
Yes. Well, if you want to purchase my book, it’s “Where’s Mom?” It talks about life of a single parent, as well as some of the things that Farron had touched about, about being there for your children and all the things that you should be doing for your children. But this is life of a single parent versus a double parent, whether you’re a mother or a single father. You can find it on Amazon. I do have a couple copies left. If you’re interested in getting them, you can find them at rexy09@yahoo.com. Otherwise, you can find it on that one. Thank you.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
All right. And thank you so much. Let me put this on here right quick. Where’s Mom? All righty. This is so slow today. We talked about that earlier, how slow my computer was.

Jeanette Ramos
Technology.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
But okay. Well, thank you so much. So tune in to Weekly Dose of Daniel on E360 TV, and it comes on right before my show. So this is seven o’clock Central Time. So that means it comes on at five, at what, eight o’clock Eastern Standard Time, six o’clock Eastern Standard Time. And Farron, your show comes on at?

Farron Dozier
It’ll be 5 p.m. Pacific Time and then six o’clock Pacific Time as well on kcaradio.com. You can stream it live there, and it’s on that link tree too.

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
And Jeanette, we can find Where’s Mom on amazon.com, purchase her book. And Kevin, lowskytulopan.com, if you would like to have some videos, some eye-catching videos. Oh, he also has something else, Love Skittles. Okay, go ahead.

Kevin
Oh, I can be here. Oh, I don’t know what’s going on with my…

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
We can hear you. We just can’t see you.

Kevin
But you can’t see me. Okay. Yeah, you can look me up mostly on YouTube. That’s my YouTube channel. You can catch video skits. It’s an entertaining channel, something to look in. If you want to hear Alco do music, you can find that on Low Ski to Low Pan at ReverbNation. Let’s see, where else can you find me at? That’s about everywhere you want to find me. Just do it. You see all types of exciting, wonderful things. This is for…

Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Alrighty. Thank you. Thank you. I want to thank my guests again for coming on. It was very interesting, very informative. And I’d like to thank all of you, my audience, for tuning in. I hope that you got some good information. Pass this information on to moms that you know that weren’t able to view. So good night, everyone. Good morning, good day, good afternoon, wherever you are in the world. This has been Relationship Matters. It’s been so wonderful. You know, it goes by so fast. The hour goes by so fast. So I just want to thank everyone again for coming on and for viewing. So with that, I’m going to say be blessed. Bye-bye now. Excuse me, I’m trying to get… You know what? You all got me thinking so that I don’t know what I’m doing. But guess what? I’m signing off. [Music] do [Music] you