Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
[Music] do [Music] [Music] well hello out there good morning good afternoon good evening wherever you are in the world it’s dr janice hooker fortman and relationship matters i am so happy to see everyone today i have been on a hiatus i’ve been on vacation and uh full transparency for part of my vacation i was in facebook jail how did that happen something that someone put on my page in 2017 i don’t even remember being on my page and whatever it was i didn’t delete it but i’m happy to be back i am refreshed and i am renewed and i am so happy again to be back with you as you know this show is all about relationships because there are all kinds of relationship matters and relationships do matter we’re going to talk about a relationship that a lot of us are involved in or going to be involved in or want to be involved in or have been involved in and that’s marriages marriages did you know that 50 and i think it’s a little over 50 of marriages end in divorce i have an expert today that’s going to talk about how to keep a happy marriage he has solved the marriage problem and his name is tim kellis he is an author a public speaker and a relationship coach so i’m going to talk about him and we’re going to talk about his journey from being a renowned wall street analyst to a public speaker so let us bring on tim [Music]
Tim Kellis
Dr. Janice hey what a beautiful introduction i love that video clip of all the relationship stuff it really poignantly highlights the significance of relationships in our lives that was really cool
Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Well thank you thank you thank you and i want to thank you for coming on my show to talk about something that’s very very very important so let me say this you are a i would say a relationship coach and a public speaker and you had a journey the journey that led you to tackling this significant personal issue so after a successful career that career that eventually landed you on wall street you met who you thought was the girl of your dreams only to see that that particular relationship ended in bitterness and anger so now you went to a marital therapist he wasn’t doing anything for you all and so you decided to tackle this issue yourself and i hope and i know my audience hopes to get some tips and teach us how to create a lifelong marriage so i want you to start off your journey from and when i say your journey i mean your career all the way up to where you are now
Tim Kellis
and it is important to note dr janice that i do not have a psychology background but just a real quick just to kind of repeat what you just said my dad was a cab driver by the way so i was raised poor put myself through engineering school got went back to grad school landed on wall street where i was the first semiconductor analyst on wall street to focus on communications mark no reason why i say that is solving the marriage problem was not my first original thoughts my second oh oh oh and i didn’t tell you this the other part of my story dr james when i was 12 years old i told my mom i wanted to be a catholic priest when i was 12 years old and and then i discovered girls so that whole career path kind of got debris held but so was raised with a moral compass made it very successfully on wall street and then as you said in the introduction this girl it was actually a girl that i had actually known for about eight years she always had a boyfriend i always had a girlfriend but we got together after knowing each other for eight years without a relationship and we just got together and anybody who’s really fallen in love knows it happens very quickly when it’s when it clicks you know we got together very quickly we a whole circle of friends we we already had the mutual friends and we just integrated our life together very quickly we’re going to spend the rest of our lives together but then we started fighting and as you said when we went to the therapist and i realized the therapist wasn’t helping that’s really the pain just and i just want to stress this the pain we all have gone through that anybody that’s blocked that’s you know it’s been in a serious relationship that ended to me it was just excruciatingly painful and my outlet my wall street background my analytical background was for me to to research and write this book and so just in just real quickly um it’s about the reason why relationships are successful is because couples get along the reason why relationships are unsuccessful is because couples don’t get along it’s conflict resolution and that’s really the focus of the whole message once you figure that out your marriage is on the right track
Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
Okay so conflict resolution now i i did some research on you of course and you talk about the psychological factors in a relationship and not understanding each other is a cause one of the major causes of problems in in um in a relationship or a marital relationship so so tell me tell me tell us about that
Tim Kellis
well the first thing martin luther king was once asked what he thought was the problem with marriage and his humble response was oh i don’t know i think they don’t know each other very well and are afraid that’s how martin luther king summarized what was wrong with marriages and when you talk about the psychological component and that in that really you’re jumping you’re jumping to the heart of the dialogue which you should because one of the things that i realized dr janice is i am the first person to introduce a psychological component to my marriage message there’s no marriage message out there today that includes a psychological component it’s all behavioral advice that’s what you get the five love languages is behavioral advice this is what you get from professional psychologists i don’t want to get into a long conversation about that but i just want you to understand that when we discuss the psychological component to a marriage that is new the only reason why i can comfortably and confidently tell anybody that i have solved the marriage problem is because i forgave my parents when i was 25 years old it turns out
Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
wait wait you said you forgave your parents
Tim Kellis
forgave my parents when i was 25 years old
Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
you forgave them for what
Tim Kellis
for being parents as it turns out the biggest influence this is what i’m talking about dr janice the biggest influence on a marriage is the relationship with the parents because that’s where we first learn about love the notion of mental development implicitly states that the earlier in the development process the less developed you are when are you least developed at birth who are your biggest influence your parents your earliest influence is your parents and that’s where you also learn about love particularly now that we’re in our second and third generation of divorce where most marriages either end up in divorce or end up as controlled struggles struggle for controls in unhappy marriages because at the end of the day what i’m doing is i’m neutralizing the power drive is i’m i’m teaching couples how to create marriages based on equality where nobody is in charge and what where there are no distinctions there can be no superiority perfect equality affords no temptation for abuse or control when couples understand and the light bulb clicks on on what equality means to them in their relationship that’s when the journey is started that’s when they see the road ahead of them and how and what that road ahead of them is supposed to look like and that significantly reduces the anxiety that couples have when they understand what i’m teaching them very very profound and very very different and see what i mean so i’m talking about there’s nobody else that approaches this conversation in this direction i’m the first one i’m the first to market with a solution that’s mentally based and psychologically based that has not happened before this is what i’m bringing again i’m analyzing this is an analytical conversation from a business analytical perspective what i’m bringing to the market is a mental based solution that addresses marriages not only mentally but psychologically and that has not happened before
Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
okay so how can you differ to and this is me asking this uh this question from what you just said sure uh uh psychology when you talk about psychology psychology affects behavior so you’re saying psychology first and then behavior instead of be hate focusing on behavior stop focusing on behavior and focus on the psychology now and and you talk about equality in a marriage okay so equality to me means like 50 50. how can you have 50 50 in a marriage so i’m going to what i understand and what i’ve been taught or what i see it some someone has to be the one who let’s say makes the decisions or if okay when you have 50 50 this is me when you have 50 50 who’s going to decide which way to go when it’s time to make decisions if everything is 50 50. okay 150 i mean 51.49 so what do you mean
Tim Kellis
so so so let me answer two questions let me answer the behavior versus psychology question and then i’ll answer what you just said about 50 50. so the the way what i mean when i discuss the psychology industry so the most popular message out today is the five love languages that is the one that has garnered the most attention in the public if gary chapman wanted to write that book psychologically what he would have done is he would have said that both in the relationship should be doing all five the one that you want you want because either you didn’t have it in your childhood or your partner isn’t giving it to you because your partner didn’t have it in his or her childhood if he would have written the book from that direction he would have introduced a psychological component to the five love languages but the psychology industry is not taught about marriages psychologically they’re taught about marriages behaviorally and one of the biggest biggest light bulbs that goes on when i work with people is when they realize that i am not i am not giving behavioral advice i am giving mental advice and your question about 50 50 is the perfect example and so here’s here’s my nerd part in my book sorry about this dr janice but what i what i do in in the book is i use the example of the two co-founders of microsoft bill gates and paul allen are you familiar with those two okay so the point is is paul allen beard very energy he was an engineer he was a nerd in fact not that money should buy you happiness but paul allen died recently worth tens of billions of dollars and never got married in fact i believe he lived with his mom for the longest time he had girlfriends so he was not gay so but he never got married that’s how big of a nerd he was so when bill gates and paul allen gets together and they form that partnership bill gates is the sales guy paul allen is the engineer how is this sales guy going to sell something unless he knows what the engineer is developing how is the engineer going to develop something unless he knows what the customer wants but more importantly bill gates has his skill set paul allen has his skill set a husband has his skill set a wife has her skill set that’s a partnership apart this is this is the confusion is people think that a partnership means that you’re the same person it is absolutely the opposite of that that’s one of the things that people get in trouble when they think that their partners should be thinking just like them that is one of the big causes of problems in relationships but the reality is when you understand it from a partnership perspective you value the differences you realize that your partner may know something that you don’t know and so the answer your question a partnership you and i become business partners dr janice i’m the accountant and you want to buy a 5 000 computer we can’t afford it how are we going to address that we’re going to address that where you understand it from my perspective and i understand it from your perspective we find a solution that we are both satisfied with that is what a partnership is that is how a marriage partner is supposed to work to be successful where they both have an equal say but there’s also the recognition that i’m the good accountant you’re the good sales person whatever those skill sets are but when you’re building a partnership these are some of the things that you’re discussing when you’re building that partnership with each other so that is how you under when you understand a partnership from that perspective then it makes sense this is conflict resolution how are you and i going to figure out how to buy this 5000 computer that we can’t afford it’s logical we understand each other’s perspective and the goal is to solve the problem what i do and if you want i can elaborate but i address arguments that’s what we need to understand in order to realize how arguments are actually motivations for us to learn more about ourselves so that we can learn to grow together but that’s when you really get into the psychological stuff about marriages
Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
so you really have to know yourself i mean both partners have to really know themselves and and so what you’re saying is what what will happen in a marriage is if let’s say uh okay i’m married and let’s say i don’t really know me and my husband doesn’t really know himself or he knows himself but i don’t know me and okay i have this question sometimes people will say oh let’s say a husband and a wife i know you better than you know yourself can that be true
Tim Kellis
well what that means to me when you say that okay and you and i spoke earlier about carl young okay and so people that are listening or watching this who don’t know who carl young is carl young was 19 years younger than freud freud looked up the young so much that he considered him not only his error parent but his son and let’s just say young disagree with freud’s sexuality theory so they had their famous breakup in 1912 and young went much further than freud did to discover how the mind works one of my ultimate goals is to ultimately replace roy with young it’s amazing to me that the psychology industry is still following freud so i’m here to basically help that transition so that we’re following young instead of freud but young is the one who referred to them as shadows okay and what a shadow is it’s it’s a blockage it’s a psychological blockage or a barrier that does not allow you to see something objectively so for example before i forgave my parents i was angry with them i had this girl that i went out with before this conversation that that ultimately led to me for giving my parents she had the perfect of family life loved her parents loved her siblings they spoke every day on the phone and she used to always get mad at me why are you so angry at your parents because this this i had the whole the whole lineup the whole laundry list of all of the things that my parents did that destroyed my childhood i could not look at my parents objectively i was looking at it through the lens of the hurts and the fears that were generated from those hurts from my childhood as an adult not understanding it as an adult that’s why it’s called a prejudice that i was not able to look at my parents objectively until i forgave them the whole point about growing together as a couple is to be able to bring out these things about your past that you might not be so comfortable about knowing that your partner will not judge you so that you guys can bring up the source of the fear and learn to heal together where your partner is the shoulder for you to cry on when you go through the forgiveness process which is a mirror a mental process that is a release of the anxieties that were originally caused by that experience or relationship most significantly with your parents
Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
so um then what happens when there’s only one parent in other words uh maybe the person of one of the uh couple ma you know uh one of the partners or the husband or the wife was only raised by their mom or only raised by their father and and you say that you have to look at the love but if it’s not two people how can a person who is in a marriage and have issues so to speak uh uh i don’t know if i’m i’m i’m
Tim Kellis
i know exactly what you’re saying dr james dr janice okay there are always two parents psychologically when one of them leaves they don’t leave the child psychologically in fact that is one of the big problems of children of one parent is the way that they mentally develop in childhood with their perspective of what happened between them and their parent that left they often blame themselves for the parent leaving that’s a big huge cause of mental problems it’s just like if you were giving up for adoption you you grow up your entire childhood realizing that both of your parents gave you up and you have to deal with that psychology very very very very difficult to do and when you lose one of your parents particularly when it’s they leave and they don’t come back because children look at it from their perspective children can only see their perspective i listen to this dr james this was this was a very enlightening experience for me to answer your question i went to my 20-year high school reunion my parents were very strict that my dad no longer around he knows i respect him if you were to call my mom up right now and ask my mom about her parenting skills she will tell you because she says every time i see her i was too strict on you kids my mom will tell you that so i’m at my 20-year high school reunion and i’m talking to one of my classmates and i made some comment about my parents and he looked at me and he said oh that’s right you have the strict parents i never once in my entire life ever thought about somebody else’s perspective of my childhood never occurred to me until this guy brought it up and he woke me up to the fact that i never understood that other people were observing me and seeing my life this is how we are so self-centered because we’re developing our identity is children that we only see things from our perspective a child will never say my parent left me because my parent does not like my other parents the child will say my parent left me because of me even though you know the parents are fighting they’ll still blame themselves when one of those parents leave so a child never does not have two parents they may not they may not have one physically but those two parents are psychologically there in their mental development and it’s so important to understand the part that that plays in the individual’s mental development in order to understand their perspective on what they have on themselves a balanced ego is not when you’re better than anybody else it’s when you’re better than you used to be that is the billion dollar question that we are all as individuals in this new age of individuality are trying to figure out on how we can live with ourselves and that’s the that’s the answer to that question
Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
i never thought of it that way
Tim Kellis
nobody has because nobody’s teaching this this is my point
Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
wow wow well i have some questions that have come in so but first i’m going to go to a commercial and to a couple of commercials and uh have a couple of questions that came in and um and then of course i have i have some more questions so sure that would be great so you put a lot on my mind
Tim Kellis
i always did it i apologize dr janice but that is my goal to get you thinking
Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
it’s all good it’s all good i understand it is all good it is so good okay uh so we will be right back with tim kellis do not go away [Music] from right to left and every angle in between know what i mean in this day and age so many seem like they lost inside a world and held captive in a dream a glimpse of mediocracy sacred for the team and even though this path is long and this place is unforeseen gotta keep your feet moving filling spaces in between seeing places in your dreams if you complace them by your means by all means go back to sleep the path is steep there’s no rest for the weary if you intend to reach peaks it gets deep come on it’s infinite we still climbing yes yes you are and thanks for the positive vibes but i still got a mountain to climb just take it one step at a time i’ll never give up cause when it’s all said and done is what i’ve done enough i push myself to the end to push myself to the brink it’s the toil i’m worth and it makes me stop and thinking but through the mud on the mile the joy and the stripe no one can claim that i didn’t live all of this beautiful life [Music] [Music]
Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
now uh this question came in it says uh in many relationships many games are played how do you get off of that merry-go-round
Tim Kellis
that is a great question and it’s important to understand why people play games the goal again it’s all conflict resolution the goal is to be able to be open with your partner the goal is to be able to bring up anything with your partner in a non-judgmental way knowing your partner is not going to think less of you when you bring up something here’s the first the first point about this dr janice okay i’ve got some news for you you are not perfect i am not perfect nobody listening or watching this call is perfect the only perfect entity that is upstairs so the point is it’s important to understand when that people are going to make mistakes in relationships that is that is a fact and it’s really not the issues but how you deal with the issues the reason why people play games is because they are afraid of bringing up the issue directly because the issue does not get resolved arguments are control mechanisms this is when so when you go to a from a disagreement to an argument when you get into this control factor which is what an argument is an argument is a control mechanism that’s when the relationship starts breaking down because people become afraid of bringing things up for fear because what an argument is it’s a judgment that you’re being judgmental when you argue with somebody when you understand the psychology of an argument that’s when you’re breaking it down so that you can keep that from happening but the backdrop to the question on playing games is how did the relationship get to the point where games have to be played in order for points to be communicated between two people which is what a game is a game is a way of manipulating what you’re trying to get across to somebody because the way when you do it directly it doesn’t work so you have to figure out some way of psychologically manipulating the other person to see your side and the reason why that occurs is because of the judgmental environment in the relationship that doesn’t allow direct open communication so if you want to keep that from happening you have to learn how to create a judgment-free relationship if that’s a if there’s judgment if there’s to argue with a person who has abandoned the use of reason is like administering medicine to the dead once you go from a logical disagreement in a conflict to an emotional argument dr janice you are a jerk what is that going to do in our how does that salt in fact it gets it emotional now you’re angry at me i called you a jerk you’re going to fly fight or flight this this is the way that that look at how she’s yes if i were to actually i’m not calling dr janice the jerk please that is not but the point is if that is the way that once our disagreement you know you know turn into an argument there’s no point there’s a point of no return you cannot solve an argument you have to bring that conversation back down to its logical discussion in order to figure out each person’s perspective in order to find something that is the benefit for both which is what you do in a partnership so it’s important to understand why somebody is motivated to have to play a game in order to keep that from happening
Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
okay uh yeah because uh this comment came in um from robert brooker uh and um he says um once we got off the highway that was when she said to me with a sense of amazement that she heard every word i said it seemed that normally she didn’t she was just an expert at reading faces and saying whatever someone wants to hear so in other words uh and he said no one believed me the in-laws had been laying down some stories this was my introduction to a co-dependent relationship but it seems as though uh that person he was involved with was playing games with him
Tim Kellis
well the goal is not to find love the goal is to find the barriers that we have built within ourselves psychologically that’s keeping us from opening up to love and when people are playing games so just put that if you can put that back up the very first part of it he said she had said something that she had never heard him before speak um with a sense of maintenance she heard every word i had said it seemed normally she didn’t she was just when he’s saying she was just an expert at reading faces and saying whatever someone wanted to hear when we become codependent again a balanced eagle is not when we’re better than anybody else’s more better than we used to be but somebody who’s not gone through that mental development still requires the approval of other people for their sense of who they are this is one of the reasons why our celebrities are so messed up in general psychologically because they get all of their data points from what other people tell them and what that does not allow you to do is it does not allow you to open yourself up to somebody else what she’s saying in that saying there is that she was saying what people wanted her to say because she was relying on their opinion of her and what she’s doing is she’s realizing if she could say her truth if she could speak from her soul then she gets to to reveal herself and it’s a great amazing thing when you really understand the concept of vulnerability and exposing yourself to your partner psychologically when it’s a fearful thing to first do but once you get over that hurdle of doing it the first time then you get a lot more comfortable again being able to reveal these things about yourself to your partner which is the growth the goal in order for two people to learn how to grow together
Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
right this first sentence it was revealed at the end that i never knew who it was i married you know wow and like you you talk about uh uh revealing and and uh that used to be a very hard thing for me to do what someone told me it was like uh i had a zipper and that you know and i would not unzip you know uh-huh because uh you you’re talking about vulnerability vulnerable vulnerable vulnerability so now here this person says what makes people i guess he means what makes him abusive is it learned behavior
Tim Kellis
so let me answer that question this way in fact that’s such a great question dr janice the event you and i met in chicago there was a girl there um uh and if you know what i’m talking about i don’t know if i should mention her name but she’s a product of an abusive marriage and she’s taken the whole message of you know how to help you know women or people you know women could be abusing men too men abuse women abuse men but let me explain it to you this way if i break an argument down into its component parts this is the real psychological breakthrough so what i do is i discuss the process that we go through mentally that leads to arguments and anger that leads to that emotion it starts off with as in the insecurity which is a fear and anxiety mainly from your relationship with your parents say your parents got divorced you learned as a child that marriages are supposed to end because that’s what your parents taught you and now you have a fear this is one way people take that experience everybody takes it differently but one way people take that is they take it that they are afraid of divorce happening in their marriage that fear that insecurity is what leads to the prejudice okay our mental problems it turns out are prejudices again mom and dad getting divorced i now have a preconceived opinion which we know is what a prejudice is that’s emotionally based that’s not logically thought out about marriage based on the lesson that my parents gave me that prejudice is this was what leads to being judgmental which then is what leads to anger and so the point is is i’m connecting the dots between fear and anger this is what i’m doing so when you say somebody is abusive the reason why they get to that state of mind it’s it’s unfortunately it’s what happens when arguments are not controlled where somebody doesn’t step off of the argument plank and both of them are taking it to a bigger and bigger plateau until eventually one of them just just flips out and does that but what you’ve got to do is you’ve got to keep the conversation so here’s the way i explain that you come home late from work and your partner gets mad at you let’s think this through okay the the caveat dr janice is that you are not out drinking with your friends that you did get that call at 5 pm that you were there for an hour you forgot to call your spouse on the way home you were not doing something immoral you’re not doing something you weren’t supposed to because you are not mentally clear to deal with the conflict but when you get home you were you had a phone call but you didn’t call you got in trouble this was the question that i asked myself for years you’re not really doing something wrong when you are late from work it’s not like you’re really doing something bad or anything but you still get in trouble how do you deal with that situation and so the point is what we normally do so you come home late from work your partner gets mad at you that’s the fight or flight right the instant right you’re either going to flee you’re not going to you’re going to say screw it i don’t want to bring it out you know have a bad bad environment or you’re going to fight back if you realize what you’ll learn dr janice it has nothing to do with you coming home late for work it has to do with low self-esteem abandonment issues mom and dad got divorced it’s got to do something with their insecurity is the source of the fear something in their past is the source of the fear so what you do is you turn the conversation around to the person that got angry what are you afraid of that is the question that took me years to figure out but that question everybody that i’ve taught that to because here’s what happens you come home late to work your partner’s in an emotional state when you ask what are you afraid of they got they pulled back to the logical state what do you mean that you get them back thinking again because now you’ve got the conversation in the direction that it should be which is why were they angry and if you could stop anger from elevating to the point of becoming abusive remember equality there’s no temptation for abuse or control if it’s based on equality it never gets to that level where one of them finally gets to their boiling point and they go off and in and they become abusive that’s why people get abusive is because of those conflicts that are not resolvable nor are they resolved yet they still fight about them these are those those those conflicts that never get resolved that eventually explode this is why you have to solve every conflict in your marriage because there’s still the psychological residue from the the source of the the anxiety to begin with so that’s how you address that to keep abuse from entering into a relationship
Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
okay now um let me ask you this question how can you understand your partner’s perspectives in other words let’s say you understand your own but you don’t understand your partners how can you understand your partners where they’re coming from if you if you’ve never been in their shoes or you can’t relate
Tim Kellis
in fact the beginning of my response to that did you read to kill a mockingbird when you were young i don’t remember i know i did i know i had to but i don’t remember it there’s one line in that book that changed my life in the line in that book is if you want to understand a man you have to walk in his shoes and i remember reading that as a kid going that sounds profound i use that every day of my life this is the foundation of happiness is being able to see it through the eyes of the other person the way i describe it though life liberty and the pursuit of happiness when people see that line they most often focus on what the pursuit of happiness part right so what i’m going to do is i’m going to break down life and liberty life is morality all life is precious taught to us by the church in relationships morality is empathy or understanding your partner’s feelings liberty is a political concept in our society in america we know is to teach us democracy democracy is equality in relationships equality is conveyed as respect or understanding your partner’s thoughts empathy is understanding your partner’s feelings respect is understanding your partner’s thoughts but let me answer the question this way dr james so do you get angry at slow drivers you ever do that i used to i don’t anymore but i used to so i did too until i solved the problem and how i solved the problem was i had an epiphany one day when i realized that the other driver is driving someplace too when i was able to look at it from and i do this every time now when i pull it behind somebody go slow to me i think to myself they are going someplace too and once i realize it from their perspective the anxiety of slow drivers has been completely eliminated inside of me psychologically but the point is is think about that analogy as it pertains to a marriage think about what happens in a marriage when you’re able to see a conflict through the eyes of your partner it will completely open up with so much clarity on what the real issue is going on between the two of you when you understand the background of your partner that led to their belief system you had asked earlier about behavior or somebody asked question about behavior one of the discoveries that i have made which is another first is what causes behavior the psychology industry for a hundred years has studied animals because of the biology theory to try and figure out why humans behave the answer to the question on why we behave is our character traits our character traits are our belief system our belief systems are unconscious and let me explain what i mean by that i am a nice guy that is true but i do not walk around thinking to myself tim’s a nice guy tim’s a nice guy but i behave accordingly janet dr janice you’re a nice woman but you don’t walk around saying dr james nice person but you will be nice to somebody you’ll open the door our behaviors are based on our belief system but the point is is we have to understand the source of those negative belief systems that’s when the psychological work starts opening because we’re not talking about being a nice person that doesn’t cause anybody problems we’re obviously talking about those belief systems that are the cause of conflicts in a marriage and how do you address those belief systems so that you can open your eyes up to look at a bigger reality by looking at that belief system from a more bigger from a much larger larger more all-encompassing perspective
Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
wow no there’s a lot here
Tim Kellis
yeah this this is a locked unwind but i’ve been working on this for 20 years i have built up a knowledge base for people to understand how they create lifelong marriage my mission is to lower the divorce rate that is the journey that i’m on and i’m not stopping until i get there it’s about time dr janice that somebody puts their foot down and comes out with a knowledge base that people once they learn it will know how to keep their their marriage on the path for for the rest of their lives that is something that is unbelievable that we’ve not done yet in our society and that is my mission to do that
Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
and and that’s a wonderful wonderful mission so let me ask you this question are you happily married
Tim Kellis
i have the most amazing woman in my life i will tell you though she’s asked me not to talk about her so one of the things you’ll notice is i don’t talk about my personal situation but this is not about me getting on getting here and talking about me being happily married this is not about the the happy marriage the lessons that i learned was from a relationship that did not work out so i mean yeah i mean the the life you don’t learn people that are in successful relationships there’s no conflict that causes them to have to learn something the lessons that i learned i learned because of relationship of mine that did not work out so that was the whole motivation for me doing that
Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
so now um i i i love your mission now how do you carry it out do you do coaching or public speaking how do you carry out your mission
Tim Kellis
well um i mean i do i have a free two-hour seminar that’s how i start with people you know there’s my email address that she’s putting up now if anybody wants to reach out to me i will tell you and you and i spoke about this earlier and how you and i met i belonged to an organization called the mentor studio it was founded by a guy by the name of michael silvers who created tihar records peak performance coaching program his partners married bloorfield who was tony robbins vp for 18 years they are mentoring me to get on stages in fact we’re they’re just starting to roll out stages in in september i spoke to i spoke to mary today and they’re they’re they’ve partnered with a get motivated that was founded by a guy named brian forte and he’s the largest personal development event promoter in the country and i’m about to get involved in what he is doing through with mary and i’m about to start showing up on on stages across the country that’s the only way that i’m going to be able to do this is to get in front of of groups of people so there’s really going to be a chance for people to be able to see me live coming up very shortly the first event that she was talking about is in early september i don’t get the details until it’s been firmed and finalized but i’m literally going to probably get an opportunity to start speaking in on big stages you know i have to earn it i’m not there yet this is not proclaiming where i’m at you know mary has to think that i’m there and prepared enough to go on stage but that is where i’m heading with mary and michael to be able to be one of their speakers as they integrate what they’re doing with not only brian forte but they’re also partnering with a guy by the name of bill walsh which is how you and i met
Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
wow
Tim Kellis
yeah so you know michael silvers and bill walsh have known each other for a long time and bill wallace always does that his are more business focused brian forte’s more personal development focus so i can see what i’m doing you know it will be a little bit easier with the with what he’s doing get motivated but yeah so that’s that’s basically where i’m going oh let me let me let me mention one thing let me talk again one more thing it’s on facebook the name of the group is the marriage support group and when you search that on facebook you’ll see a picture of a couple kissing i’m just about to get to 12 000 members in this group i’ve been asking about 3 000 members a day of a month into this group in the last two or three months it’s just it’s i’ve gone to a tipping point and one of the reasons is i allow other marriage experts to participate in the dialogue in this group which is not something any of the other marriage groups allow anybody to do they think you’re soliciting but i allow other marriage experts to take the conversation into a more productive direction versus you know other marriage groups which is just basically you know you know complaint sessions about how you know their spouses are not doing what they want them to be doing my dialogue in that group takes it a lot further on teaching couples how to create a lifelong marriage
Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
and and this is on facebook
Tim Kellis
it’s yeah it’s called the marriage support group and is at the time of this broadcast i’m just about to go over 12 000 members but i’ve been having like 3 000 members a month for the last two or three months that is wonderful it’s a great great community
Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
wow i i think i’m i’m going to join that group i’m trying to show it on here
Tim Kellis
you you should and you can contribute as well dr janice you’ll have some great things to add to the dialogue as well not only that we could do one of these broadcasts to my facebook group if you ever want to think about doing that i’ve got access to 12 000 members for that group we can do something like this there too
Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
alright well thank you so much the time just flies always done the time flies but i’m going to keep that up for uh my viewers so that they can see that they can join that that face
Tim Kellis
yeah then and again the name of the group is the marriage support group so that’s the name of the group
Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
okay just go and search that alrighty so tim i want to thank you so much for coming on the show today this has been eye-opening for me and i know for my audience i i i really thank you for coming on and uh and solving this marriage problem i am all for you and your mission
Tim Kellis
dr janice but but seriously i cannot thank you enough for giving me the opportunity you know being introduced to you you know the coincidence of us meeting and then you having this tv show uh you know you’ve given me the opportunity up here in the show i’m i’m humbled and honored that you’ve given me an opportunity to come here and speak about this so i can’t thank you enough for giving me a platform to speak
Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
well thank you thank you and uh we will keep in contact
Tim Kellis
yes we will thank you very much i appreciate it
Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
all right so go on to your facebook group and you guess what you’re going to see me in there
Tim Kellis
beautiful i look forward to running into you there as well
Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
all right bye-bye
Tim Kellis
all right bye dr janice
Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman
well that was amazing that was amazing um a lot of really good information and a different perspective on looking at that marriage relationship i’ve never heard of it coming from that particular point of view it’s something that i’m going to keep on my mind because i want to maintain my happy marriage and i know you out there do too so uh i want to thank all of you for joining me or joining us on relationship matters there are all kinds of relationships and relationships do matter now if you would like to advertise on the show with eye-catching videos and increase your invisibility you can contact us at 1-877-667-7325 for details or you can email me at jamfornow125 gmail.com and now if you would like to be a guest on relationship matters just email jan for now one two feet one two three one two five at g mail.com i want to thank all of you for tuning in and i know that you receive some awesome information be sure to go on facebook to the and you know what uh forgive me for for um let me look the marriage support group that’s on facebook in the meantime in between time i will see you next week where my guest will be bernard alsberry the mayor of hazel crest illinois who’s going to speak to us about plant-based it and his health and wellness fair that he will be giving in hazelcrest illinois so i will see you next week in the meantime in between time remember relationships matter and there are all kinds of relationships [Music] do you